The Longest Wait

My doctor’s appointment on Thursday was disappointing. I’m barely dilated, if even at all! He really had to get up in there, which was immensely uncomfortable. They asked me what the baby weighed at my last ultrasound and I had no idea, because no one had explicitly told me. All they usually say is, “she looks good, everything is healthy.” Which, you know, is great… but details would be nice!

After the exam, we had a minor scare that he’d broken my water. I was sitting in a literal puddle. My husband ran and got the doctor back. He tested it, but it wasn’t amniotic fluid. It was a lot of discharge, mixed with a tiny bit of blood, and possibly some urine (gross!) Being pregnant is truly nasty at times. I’m glad it wasn’t my actual water breaking, as then I’d be confined to a hospital and induced. I really don’t want to be induced!

We spent yesterday out and about for around eight hours. I did a lot of walking and some minor shopping, just enjoying time with the husband and trying to hopefully get things going. We’ve been doing everything we can think of to naturally progress labor along. My next appointment is, again, Thursday… which is also my due date. I’m really hoping I’ve made some progress by then. I’d love to be able to labor at home instead of being confined to the hospital and bed, hooked up to a bunch of monitors. I also have an irrational fear of hemorrhaging out and dying… it’s rare, but it happens, and it happens more often with inducing.

We have pretty much everything ready to go. I’ve been buying small things here and there. We went out for my very early Birthday lunch last weekend (it was delicious!) I haven’t actually gotten a present, but there’s nothing I really want right now. I think the husband has forgotten, because he was being really persistent… which is good. I don’t want to waste money we could be using towards the baby and truly getting her room ready. I’d love to get a bookcase. I’ve started getting things together for my plan to have her simultaneously exposed to both English and French from day one. Husband is in charge of the speaking part of French… he took it for seven years and could have had it as a minor, whereas I am hopeless. ;)

The plaques haven’t worked out, but we’re persisting. We may end up just getting wooden letters and decorating them! I want something on the wall above her crib. Letters or plaques would look great there. I really wish I were more crafty and gifted in that area. Sigh. I’m so jealous of all the other people out there who are! Pinterest is just a website of things I’m incapable of doing probably, haha.

I’m not sure how ready I am to truly be a mother or have an infant, but I definitely know I’ve had enough of being pregnant! Labor is kind of scary, but I’m doing really good with not panicking or anything. I’ve educated myself as best as I can, the husband knows what I want (as does the doctor), but I’m also willing to do whatever we need to. This pregnant gig, though, is getting old. I want my body back! I’m tired of feeling like a turtle on its back and the constant discomfort is just too much. If I gain anymore weight, I think I’ll have a nervous breakdown! The scale is not my friend. I had such high hopes of being active and amazing, but it just didn’t happen. I truly had no idea how uncomfortable I would get. Ugh.

We may go out a bit more today and get some things. We’re putting the closet off until after she’s here. I really want to get a little organization kit and we found a bunch of stuff at Home Depot that’s perfect… but it may be better to wait a bit. The setup we have now works well enough and we still need proper doors. The ones we have now don’t fit after the drywall installation and I still want to buy a bookcase, which costs a bit more than I had anticipated. I’d love to at least have it ordered before she’s here! I need something to set the awesome dragonfly globe my aunt bought for me on.

The husband has declared that tomorrow is my last day at work. I had every intention of working until I went into labor, but husband wants my time to run out in December when people can donate leave to me. So now I get to spend Monday figuring out all of that fun stuff! I have enough SIQ and AWL to ensure I get paid until December 16th… hopefully we can get enough donations to at least make it into the new year. That only give us two and a half months or so without my pay.

I don’t want to not work and lose out, but I’d also rather be here getting stuff done, anyway. I’m benched at work, so all I am right now is a glorified secretary. It’s really pointless and boring. I mean, I’m thankful my job isn’t difficult and the people I work with and for are all understanding, but I hate feeling like I’m not actually contributing. At least if I’m home, I can get stuff done here. We’ll see what happens.