The Cat Abides

The parents are still apart, so I’m pretty sure dad will be looking for an apartment in the near future.  Which means I won’t get to visit and I have to call and upset my grandparents.  It’s not that I actually can’t, but don’t want to.  I don’t want caught up in the middle.  I want to see my dad and grandparents, but there’s so much conflict that can be avoided by not at this particular point in time.  Fortunately for me, I bought my grandpa a birthday card in advance and have already mailed it!  His birthday is the 14th.

Still haven’t heard back from the State Police.  They are so slow.  Fiancé says that they told him it could be between now and the middle of March.  Argh!  I really hope it doesn’t take that long.  In other news, I still haven’t done anymore wedding stuff/planning/etc.  I really need to get my dress altered…

You would get a more coherent entry, but I’m exhausted.  I shooed my fiancé off to work so I could do some ‘questionable’ writing for a Prologue piece.  Now I’m exhausted and bored.  I just can’t write with him around, it sucks, but I can’t.  So, instead of a coherent, moping entry… you get Spooky in the box my Valentine’s Day chocolates came in.  Mmm… Holl’s Swiss Chocolates…

Makin’ Me Crazy…

Okay, so, I know how I’ve said I love my in-laws and I do.  I really, really do.  They’ve been sweet, kind, and immensely supportive of the fiancé and I despite the… strange way our relationship began.  Having your son come home and say, “oh, by the way, that girl I’ve been dating in Pennsylvania, you know–the one you guys barely know–well, she’s going to stay here awhile, okay?  Okay”  isn’t an easy pill to swallow.  I’ve been here nearly a year, except the month or two I spent at home during my whole ‘health crisis’.  Unfortunately, the glamour has faded and I want to move out now.  The fiancé hasn’t even gotten called by the police yet to say when he starts and I’m already looking at apartments, trying to budget out things, and also trying to figure out when we can move and what we can afford.

It’s not that I don’t like my in-laws, I do.  It’s just my mother-in-law is very strange.  She is a woman with no hobbies and a very extermist way of thinking.  Outside of the house she’s peppy, upbeat, and completely lovable.  I thought my fiancé was kidding when he said people only loved her because they didn’t live with her… he was right.  She’s a very nice lady and I do care for her, but she drives me nuts.  She treats us like a child when she acts more childish than any adult I’ve ever met.  Since she works for the American Cancer Society and deals with cancer patients, she is pretty hardnosed in that no one else’s problems can match that of someone dying.  That any dysfunction or issue you may have pales in comparison to someone dying.  Which, yes, dying sucks, it does… but everyone is entitled to their own suffering.

Worst of all, she doesn’t understand my fiancé at all, depsite him being her son and a product of her womb.  She constantly berates him for being childish and immature, when he’s not.  He has his moments, but he’s extremely level-headed.  He doesn’t spend foolishly (even though she claims he does), he doesn’t obsess over video games (even though she claims he does), and he really does take good care with his finances and everything he does.  If anything, I’m the game-obsessed one.  I have my own level of maturity, though, thanks.

I just think we’d all get along a lot better if we weren’t here.  I could go on for paragraphs about how my mother-in-law drives me up the wall.  We’re two completely different people and her constant dismissal of my family issues annoys me.  She actually told me that I should feel guilty for treating my mother badly–that I should be trying to support and help her.  Uh, hello?  My mother has emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically abused me for years and years.  I’ve tried–been there, done that–she doesn’t want help.  I’m done.  Don’t dare lecture me and don’t dare make me feel like I am the one in the wrong.  I’m not.  It took me years to realize that and no one will tell me differently, not ever again.  My mother is an alcoholic of the worst kind and she has mental issues.  Couple those together and you have a violent mix of pure crazy.  Don’t talk about what you know nothing about, thanks.

I know my fiancé and I could do more, but really, I just feel unmotivated and disconnected.  My family issues and my mother-in-law driving me nuts (even though I still like her, I just need a BREAK from her) have beaten down my motivation.  Now I just want out.  I want to be free, I want to do my own thing, I want to cook, I want to have my own space, I want to not have to worry about something touching my freakin’ laundry or NOT doing any damn dishes.  I want to clean and not have it ruined five seconds later.  I’m sick of living with parents.  I want out.  Please!

In the meantime, I really do need to clean, but again, unmotivated.  Our room looks like a bomb went off.  I need to clear out the fiancé’s drawers and put everything away.  I also need to sort through my own crazy mess.  Don’t worry, I have pictures.  It’s bad. (more…)

Life in a Snow Globe

Unfortunately, I don’t have the fancy Canon Rebel EOS D-SLR.  All I have to document the brilliant snowfall we’re not experiencing here in the Ohio Tri-State area is this cheap little Olympus my father-in-law gave us.  Pictures are pictures, I figure.  Plus, I love snow.  It makes me feel good no matter what.  I love to just go outside, flop down on the ground, and stare up at it.  I don’t feel cold, I don’t feel anything, I just feel… at peace.  Somehow.  I’ve done this since I was little.  It’s my way of connecting with nature, I guess.  I love the snow.  I love it.


Remembering Key West…

I went to Key West, Florida with the fiancé and his parents on July 4th to the 14th. We were there for eleven days, but it’s a day and a half drive down and the same coming back. That’s right, we drove. I was a little anxious about that, I mean, being stuck a sedan with all your luggage for around 13 hours a day with your fiancé and his family… I love his parents, but come on. That is a recipe for disaster.

Luckily, I was wrong. We all got along fine and I got to hear some truly amusing stories. It was definitely cramped, though, with the fiancé and me in the backseat with the cooler and snacks. On the ride down, I spent a lot of time with my head resting on his lap and watching the clouds pass by. He spent all his time switching between reading I Am Legend and playing Final Fantasy Tactics A2. It was my first time going South, so it was interesting to watch the changes.