Okay, so, I know how I’ve said I love my in-laws and I do. I really, really do. They’ve been sweet, kind, and immensely supportive of the fiancé and I despite the… strange way our relationship began. Having your son come home and say, “oh, by the way, that girl I’ve been dating in Pennsylvania, you know–the one you guys barely know–well, she’s going to stay here awhile, okay? Okay” isn’t an easy pill to swallow. I’ve been here nearly a year, except the month or two I spent at home during my whole ‘health crisis’. Unfortunately, the glamour has faded and I want to move out now. The fiancé hasn’t even gotten called by the police yet to say when he starts and I’m already looking at apartments, trying to budget out things, and also trying to figure out when we can move and what we can afford.
It’s not that I don’t like my in-laws, I do. It’s just my mother-in-law is very strange. She is a woman with no hobbies and a very extermist way of thinking. Outside of the house she’s peppy, upbeat, and completely lovable. I thought my fiancé was kidding when he said people only loved her because they didn’t live with her… he was right. She’s a very nice lady and I do care for her, but she drives me nuts. She treats us like a child when she acts more childish than any adult I’ve ever met. Since she works for the American Cancer Society and deals with cancer patients, she is pretty hardnosed in that no one else’s problems can match that of someone dying. That any dysfunction or issue you may have pales in comparison to someone dying. Which, yes, dying sucks, it does… but everyone is entitled to their own suffering.
Worst of all, she doesn’t understand my fiancé at all, depsite him being her son and a product of her womb. She constantly berates him for being childish and immature, when he’s not. He has his moments, but he’s extremely level-headed. He doesn’t spend foolishly (even though she claims he does), he doesn’t obsess over video games (even though she claims he does), and he really does take good care with his finances and everything he does. If anything, I’m the game-obsessed one. I have my own level of maturity, though, thanks.
I just think we’d all get along a lot better if we weren’t here. I could go on for paragraphs about how my mother-in-law drives me up the wall. We’re two completely different people and her constant dismissal of my family issues annoys me. She actually told me that I should feel guilty for treating my mother badly–that I should be trying to support and help her. Uh, hello? My mother has emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically abused me for years and years. I’ve tried–been there, done that–she doesn’t want help. I’m done. Don’t dare lecture me and don’t dare make me feel like I am the one in the wrong. I’m not. It took me years to realize that and no one will tell me differently, not ever again. My mother is an alcoholic of the worst kind and she has mental issues. Couple those together and you have a violent mix of pure crazy. Don’t talk about what you know nothing about, thanks.
I know my fiancé and I could do more, but really, I just feel unmotivated and disconnected. My family issues and my mother-in-law driving me nuts (even though I still like her, I just need a BREAK from her) have beaten down my motivation. Now I just want out. I want to be free, I want to do my own thing, I want to cook, I want to have my own space, I want to not have to worry about something touching my freakin’ laundry or NOT doing any damn dishes. I want to clean and not have it ruined five seconds later. I’m sick of living with parents. I want out. Please!
In the meantime, I really do need to clean, but again, unmotivated. Our room looks like a bomb went off. I need to clear out the fiancé’s drawers and put everything away. I also need to sort through my own crazy mess. Don’t worry, I have pictures. It’s bad. (more…)