Another Countdown Begins

It looks like this baby has no interest in appearing without being forcibly evicted! I was barely 2cm dilated at my appointment on Thursday. The nurse practitioner checked me and stretched my cervix a bit. I had a bloody show Friday and Saturday, with some cramping and contractions. On Sunday, we walked around the neighborhood and then we went out to some stores just to mill around a bit. We stopped for dinner and I had consistent contractions for about 2 hours before they eventually tapered off. Disappointment isn’t a big enough word!

I had some severe cramping last night and this morning, but it was all due to gas. I’m feeling some pressure and I’m pretty sure I’ve dilated more, but I haven’t had any consistent or worsening contractions. It’s really frustrating. My doctor scheduled me to be induced Tuesday at 5pm at my appointment last week. I agreed to it, forgetting that my birthday is Wednesday, sigh. I’m hoping I’m dilated enough that everything progresses swiftly and she’s born before my birthday and not during.

I was going to reschedule, but I’m so fed up and done at this point that I really don’t want to deal with more waiting. It’s really annoying. I’m trying not to be frustrated or upset, but it’s hard. I didn’t want to be induced, I wanted to try and go as natural as possible. I could push and say I want to wait another week, but that’s another week off work without a baby. That pushes my return date to work back even more and I don’t want that, nor can we really afford it.

Of course, it’s silly to ever assume these things are going to go as you’d wish. They never do. I am just hoping and praying it doesn’t end in a C-section. I do not want surgery, period. Our families are driving us crazy asking us where the baby is. My mother-in-law keeps insisting that I run to the hospital every time I feel so much as a cramp. I know they’re just excited, concerned, and/or worried, but it’s really nerve-wracking when I’m already going through my own emotional tailspin.

It’s hard to believe that so much time has passed by already. This time last year, we were boxing up our apartment and preparing to move. I was getting excited about celebrating my birthday. So much has changed in just a short time. Trying to imagine how much will have changed by this time next year is just mind-blowing.

The next time I post here, I’ll be a mother and forever changed. Nothing will ever be the same again. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s frightening all the same. Change is terrifying, especially when you’re not sure what to expect. I just want everything to go okay. Whatever happens, I want to be safe and I want the baby to be healthy. It feels so weird to think about her actually being here. The whole pregnancy thing has been so surreal. I just can’t imagine holding a baby and it being mine.

Tomorrow evening, hopefully, everything changes forever.