Vacuum Sealed

Shit.  It’s the end of May already?  When the hell did that happen?  I’m getting married in a month, pretty much.  Panicked?  Not I.  I’ve got nerves of steel.  Nevermind the fact that my dress still needs taken in and my fiance’s suit pants need fixed.  They’re far too long, but the suit?  Is fantastic.  We found a designer Italian white linen suit that was originally priced at $1,200 for like, $150.  I freaking love Amazon.  The suit is amazing, moreso than my dress.  So not fair.  I want to wear it!

I’m technically unemployed now and have been for about two weeks.  I miss my fellow employees, but this sedentary, reclusive lifestyle suits me.  I am working mostly for my father-in-law now, picking up his trophy slack while he peddles for Edward Jones… which he is ridiculously good at, by the way.  He started in like, March (same time as fiance!) and he’s already handling almost a million dollars in accounts.  Go FIL!  Anyway, the trophies keep me insanely busy amongst the wheedling of my mother-in-law to PLEASE call her mother-in-law and get this dress/suit alteration stuff aligned.  Which is difficult, because mother-in-law is in charge of only five relays this season.  She’s done three, two left to go.  Woo!  I’ve also been helping her because she’s overworked and her secretary fails at life.

So, yeah.  Plus messing with The Sims 3, which while is fun… is not the NEXT BIG THING.  Disappointing, but meh, whatever.

I haven’t had a real conversation with my mother since March, and that was when I visited and even then, it wasn’t a real conversation aside from screaming and yelling.  Anytime she calls, she yells and screams.  I’ve stopped calling or trying to call.  Dad moved into his new bachelor pad on Friday.  My grandma is on oxygen and my cousin’s little baby is growing by the day.  It’s weird.  Time is just… moving.  And everything is changing.  It seems like since I’ve left, everything I’ve known is disappearing.  The house next door to mine burnt to the ground.  It was there before I was born.  I’m afraid to see what it looks like now, without it there.  Buildings keep getting torn down.  My home is completely changed and possibly about to be sold.  Who knows how long my grandparents will remain in their house.

Too much change all at once.  Head is muddled.  I’m getting married?  God, I can’t believe.  I seriously never thought I’d get married, ever.  And now I am.  And it’s a little terrifying.  I love my fiance with all my heart, but wow.  Am I ready to be an adult?  I still keep wanting to disconnect and run off into imaginationland.  Where everything is fine and happy and okay.

Or at least, my kind of okay.  Which is actually pretty twisted.

It’s late.  I can’t sleep.  I think I have a cavity.