A Kitty Impasse

I’m sick of talking about dramatic and annoying things.  So, instead, I’m going to talk about cats.  My own lovable ball of fur is currently at home with my crazy ass mother.  Trust me.  I am a ball of nerves.  I want my cat.  Now.  But, unfortunately, it cannot be, because my in-laws don’t believe in declawing and their cat enjoys using hers.  She and Nikita would not get along, at all.

Their neighbor here split up from his girlfriend, who had a daughter.  This was awhile back, maybe half a year ago?  Anyway, she got the little girl a cat and it ended up remaining here due to the whole apartment situation.  The guy is never home and the cat is mostly left to wander.  Recently, it’s begun coming to the door and wanting let in.  So we have.  Now my father-in-law wants to keep it.  He’s a very cute cat… but very skittish.  It is obvious he hasn’t had much human interaction.

He’s not very fond of the camera.

My fiancé, the self-proclaimed cat whisperer that he is, took right to trying to calm him down.  Let it be known the cat follows him as assiduously as a knight his king.  I don’t even blink an eye.  After working a miracle on my own crazy cat, Nikita, and getting her to not only love him nearly as much as she does me, but also deign to sit on his lap at every given occasion, well… his prowess cannot be questioned!

Unfortunately, aforementioned kitty is without his shots and all the other necessaries.  This is the major holding back point for my mother-in-law… she doesn’t want to spend even more money on a stray animal.  All the animals they’ve had were stray animals they took in.  Trust me, they’ve had a ton of animals.  So we’ll see what happens.  I somehow doubt he’ll be going anywhere anytime soon.

He’s also woefully nameless.  I’d love to give him a name–naming animals is so much fun!  And, well, my in-laws don’t really have a penchant for coming up with good names.  Spooky, Snoopy, etc.  Seriously, guys… but my names tend to be pretentious.  I mostly name mine after presidents, literary figures, and mythological creatures.  Well, except Nikita.  I kind of named her after a formerly famous spy series called La Femme Nikita.  Shush!  Peta Wilson is hot stuff.

Right now, we’re at a kitty impasse.  He’s trying to get along with Spooky, but Spooky is having none of it.  She wants him gone.  They are laying several feet apart, just staring.  Every now and again, he’ll move or scoot closer to her, making cute little raccoon-like noises and then she’ll clock him and he’ll run off.

Really need to look into buying a card for our camera, too.  Stupid Olympus cameras!  You can’t just use any regular SD card… which would figure, since my fiancé has insisted on buying a ton of them.  It sucks only being able to take like, ten pictures on what this camera considers “high quality”.

Valentine’s Day = Suck

I am not overly fond of Valentine’s Day.  It’s my grandpa’s birthday, so that’s cool, but otherwise?  Meh.  There’s also another reason… much to my chagrin, it’s technically a “holiday”.  Holidays are disasters waiting to happen for me.  Anything that can go wrong, will.  And boy did it ever.  We dealt with with shitty ass customers all day long and we’re stuck with three people closing on a 2,000 dollar day because the one guy was puking his guts out at home.  Lovely!

However, the true horror doesn’t start until we get home.  We eat, we relax, and we settle down in front of our respective computers.  Then the phone rings, followed by my mother-in-law calling out my name.  That usually means its for me.  It’s my mother.  Again.  I glare at my mother-in-law and take the phone from her.  My mother tries to sound cheery, but the line she’s calling from is some guy’s name I don’t recognize.  It keeps crackling, too.

She tells me that she’s “found someone” (uh, the one you found in December?) and he’s going to move into the house.  The house my dad is still paying for and is still paying the bills, because he felt bad for mum.  He makes way, way more money than she does right now.  She goes on and on about how she’s “getting better” but then degrades back into trying to make me feel guilty and pander for sympathy when I say I’m not okay with this.  I am a fantastic actor.  I acted fine, but I just told her, this is weird.  This is too fast.  This is incredibly fishy and you can’t expect me to be all rainbows and buttercups.  My dad is my dad (and he’s getting one HELL of a raw deal here).

She says this guy has met my family.  What? I just spoke to my grandparents yesterday.  I just called my grandpa earlier in the day to wish him a happy birthday.  No one mentions this to me?  Love you, too, guys.  Really.  Great.  Mum asks when I am coming up, and I say I don’t know.  I told her, this isn’t a good time, I told her that last time.  I reiterate that we are all adults and if my parents want to separate, that’s fine.  It’s true, but even as I say it, my chest constricts.  She’s turned everyone against my dad.  He is alone.  I feel horrible.  She tells me she kicked him out of the house when he came to check on her and the animals.  I want to reach through the phone and strangle her.  She tells me that she wants “everything to be okay” but then tries to tell me that my dad was never really there for me, anyway.

What the fuck are you on, woman?  My dad was abandoned by his father before he was even born.  He barely knew I was born until you called and told him and from that moment on, he’s been there.  Yeah, he did some drugs, and yeah, he sold.  But he quit.  He was young, you were young–both with way too much responsibilities thrust upon you.  But he was always there.  We fought, we argued, and when I was a teenager?  I hated him.  But he was there, he’s the only reason I graduated–he pushed me through homeschool.  He’s the only reason I went to college, he pushed me.  And he’s the only reason I’m still sane and not still stuck with you… because he threw himself under the bus to get me the hell out of there.  He pushed me, to get a job, to get the hell out before it was too late.  What have you done, mother?  Pushed me, but nearly down a flight of stairs.  Love you, too.

At that point, I just couldn’t talk to her anymore.  Fiancé was staring holes in me and I just couldn’t keep it together.  So I told her goodbye.  I then emailed my dad, to see why he didn’t tell me about any of this.  The email I got back?  I nearly cried.  Because he didn’t know any of it.  He had just been there earlier that day, as I said earlier, to check on her and the animals.  So he found out, at work, through email.  I felt horrible.

I hate this.  This is shit.  That’s what this is, it is shit.  No one wants to see the truth.  My mum was my mum once.  She was loving, caring, and devoted… then she became a batshit insane alcoholic who I came to know and hate with every fiber of my being.  Now she’s “getting better” and everyone is throwing my dad to the wolves.  He never hit my mum, though he should have.  He never attacked her when she went after him.  He never even laid her ass out when she cut him from his cheek to his neck with broken glass… he just left.  Now my grandparents, everyone, seems to be siding with her.  If I say anything, I’m being “fed” things and don’t know the reality of the situation.

Fuck you all, seriously.  I am so angry.  I want to rage, to break things, to just let it out… but I can’t.  I can’t.  What will it do?  Nothing.  My chest hurts, but that will go away.  I hate this.  No matter what I do, nothing will change.  She is manipulating everyone.  She tried it on me, trying to make me feel guilty, trying to say “she” was there and my dad wasn’t.  When, mother, WHEN?  When we were punching the shit out of each other?  The twenty-million times you call me fat, useless, and a whore?  When I was trying to lead your drunk ass to bed?  When I was cleaning up your damned mess?  When I got clocked getting between you and dad before it got bad?  Boy oh boy, I must have missed something important if that means “being there” for me.

A Thundering Herd of Buffalo

Do you hear that, off in the distance?  That low rumble that seems capable of causing everything in the nearest vicinity to vibrate?  That’s the sound of my parents and their insanity catching up to me.  My mother deigned to call me today.  That’s right, my mother.  This is the first time I’ve truly spoken to her, since, well… I last posted about speaking to her.  She wanted to call and tell me that my father and her were officially done, over, kaput.  I feigned some surprise, but informed her that I knew because my other grandmother had bumbled and called in a worried, drunken stupor… to which my mother flipped her shit and proceeded to yell at me for several minutes.

Nice talking to you, too, mother.  Needless to say, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation.  She tried to sound empathetic (once she stopped screaming in my ear), but that was ruined both by her continual interruptions where she moved to talk to the person in the background (assumedly The Other Guy) and the consistency of which she berated my father.  I told her I didn’t want in the middle of this.  She asked when I was coming home, I said I wasn’t.  She amended her statement to when I was coming “to visit”.  I said, again, that I wasn’t.  Not until this was sorted out and done with.  I don’t care what happens at this point–stick a fork in it, its done.  Just leave me out of it.  I’m a grown adult, I don’t need used as a tug-of-war toy, okay?  This is your problem, the both of you, have fun fixing it.  Seriously.

Thankfully, the conversation ended.  I’m sorry if I sound horrible, mean, and rude… but I’ve experienced an endless torrent of mental and physical abuse from this woman.  A single phone call where she single-handedly screams at me and then follows it up with, “I love you”… really doesn’t cut it with me.  No wonder I hate those three words and don’t say them often.  I think people who end phone conversations every. single. time. with “I love you” are mechanical and unfeeling.  I don’t do it, neither does my fiancé.  It’s ridiculous.  Oh, and I forgot to mention she had to state that she had “tried to take her own life” during the phone call.  Why are you telling me this? Why?

Enough offending people, back to my familial troubles.  So I called my grandparents, hopefully to run damage control.  Do I sound like a politician or an information gatherer yet?  This is how my family operates.  We’re all spies, all gathering information, all plotting our own survivals.  It’s fun, I tell you.  Anyway, I call and my grandma, while pretending to remain impassive, is clearly not.  She insults my father and I let it slide.  No one on my mother’s side knows I’ve talked to him all the while.  My grandfather got his birthday card today and loved it, that made me happy.  I asked if she knew what was going on, she said yes.  I also asked if mum had been drunk when she called, my grandma claimed she had stopped drinking, that she went to the hospital.  Supposedly, she was on the ‘fast track’ to detox.  Uh, right.  She needs thrown in rehab with a locked, barred, and industrial strength steel door preventing her from fleeing.  That’s the only thing that will stop this.

So, I have my information and know I am sure I made the right decision in not visiting.  Everyone has turned against my dad and, if I did visit, I would likely be completely barred from seeing him.  My mother is trying to do the “I’ll get better!  Just watch!  He’s the one that made me like this!”  card for the fortieth time… and well, I know how that one usually ends.  My mother dared to call me with her freaking ‘new boyfriend’ in the background, panhandling for sympathy.  My grandma sounded like the Godfather, for Christ’s sake, saying, quite seriously, “you can call me anytime, to check up on people.”  What the fuck is wrong with my family?

As much humor as I try to infuse this all with, it still makes my chest constrict.  Two, two, two… everything is divided into two.  I never prepared myself for this, I thought my parents would wallow together in their misery forever.  Now I’ve got to deal with the fact they’ve ‘split’.  Great.  I’m glad they’re apart, but this really screws my shit up.  What if my fiancé and I have kids?  Now I have to visit my mother, alone, without my father as a buffer.  Now I’m going to have to hear how horrible my father is, day in and day out, from my mother, who I have nothing in common with and the barebones of consideration for (which remain only because she birthed me as opposed to aborting me).  I just wish I could pull what my uncle did and cut off ties, become excommunicated, forgotten, lost in the annals of history to them.  Sigh.

I’ll just tell my kids they don’t have grandparents…

The Cat Abides

The parents are still apart, so I’m pretty sure dad will be looking for an apartment in the near future.  Which means I won’t get to visit and I have to call and upset my grandparents.  It’s not that I actually can’t, but don’t want to.  I don’t want caught up in the middle.  I want to see my dad and grandparents, but there’s so much conflict that can be avoided by not at this particular point in time.  Fortunately for me, I bought my grandpa a birthday card in advance and have already mailed it!  His birthday is the 14th.

Still haven’t heard back from the State Police.  They are so slow.  Fiancé says that they told him it could be between now and the middle of March.  Argh!  I really hope it doesn’t take that long.  In other news, I still haven’t done anymore wedding stuff/planning/etc.  I really need to get my dress altered…

You would get a more coherent entry, but I’m exhausted.  I shooed my fiancé off to work so I could do some ‘questionable’ writing for a Prologue piece.  Now I’m exhausted and bored.  I just can’t write with him around, it sucks, but I can’t.  So, instead of a coherent, moping entry… you get Spooky in the box my Valentine’s Day chocolates came in.  Mmm… Holl’s Swiss Chocolates…

My Dad is New to This ‘Email’ Business

My dad is just now starting to get into the emailing swing of things.  It results in a lot of hilarity.  I love my dad.  This totally made my night…

HELLO :}

i GOT YOUR MAIL THIS IS PRETTY COOL oops left the caps lock on.
I just wanted to say hi SOOOO HI hahahahahaha!!!!!!

DAD