Womanly Pains

This post may border on TMI for some. If so, you’ve been warned, you don’t have to read. For the brave, well, feel free to continue forward.

I originally went on birth control to regulate my hellish periods. Serious. They were like being touched by the hand of Satan in the girly bits. I would bleed profusely, puke, and pass out. Thankfully, it was isolated to the first day. I rarely got the angries, but I was frequently depressive to the point of it being… ridiculous. Anyway, I went to a doctor after a few years and they said that perhaps I just had too much estrogen. I’ve been on birth control for about a year now. It’s working pretty well. It isn’t perfect, but the pain is definitely gone and I bleed normally now. My anemia, it cries out in glee.

I am waiting on my period now, however, and it is not coming. It is Wednesday, I stopped the pills Sunday, as I was supposed to. I’m on twenty-eight day cycles. Where oh where are you, fair period? I am feeling like shit. I have the symptoms, but yet it is MIA. I had a slight bit of spotting, but hardly anything to raise alarms about. My insides are churning so loud my fiancé has been giving me odd looks. I am crampy and unusually cranky. This is probably because my damn period IS BEING A LITTLE BITCH. Get your ass over here, young lady, and get this party started. Come ON. Don’t you dare think you can wait until I go to work. I still get sick when it starts and sometimes, I start sweating and it triggers other things and bam. I am out like a light. Blegh.

It could be the stress, also, that I am having lately. I tried to work on my writing, but I can’t. My emotions are everywhere and I go from feeling hopelessly depressed one minute to hopelessly enraged the next. I go from wanting to give up to wanting to tell everyone to piss off and give up. My domain registration requires renewal in a few weeks. It would be so easy to just disappear and save myself the heartache and the headache… but I would and could never do that.

Especially not in this shitty mindset. Rational thought? Not here, at least… not right now. Maybe later. Leave a message, I’m sure it’ll get back to you at its earliest convenience! I’m still waiting for it to call me back…

Back to playing Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility while I can. The fiancé and I have been fighting over it for days. Neither of us have any free time and when we finally do, it’s together and we both want the same thing. Hilarious and horrible.

Oh, and I work a 11-9 shift this Saturday. YEAH, that’ll be great. Kill me now, please. Watch me come in Sunday, too. I can’t bitch, though, because I have serious bills that need to be paid. Why must I have my head up my ass when it really ought to be thinking?

Probably because I am too busy contemplating the best way to kill people in a certain community for being such asshats. I hate popularity, I really do. And in another vein, I’ll never understand why people FLOCK to kiss the feet of someone who only posts once a year and never comments on anything except when she’s “in the mood” to play the game itself or create.

Maybe I should do that. Then, maybe, I can be cool, loved, and OHSOPOPULAR!! too.

Fuck that–aren’t even fit to kiss my ass.

And while I’m offending everyone and their mother… people who drool over their own characters and call them sexy and whatnot? FREAK ME THE HELL OUT. Quit lusting over pixelated, non-existent man cock. It’s fucking weird.

I totally shouldn’t hit post, but I will. Fuck it. I censor myself way too much, why do I care if someone on the internet hates me? OHNOESTHEPOPULARSWILLEETME!

Pain, pain, PAIN!

My head is literally throbbing right now.  Ugh.  It hurts so bad that it’s causing my stomach to roll.  Maybe I should eat something.  After I type this, at least.  I’m behind on everything else, but I should at least explain why.

It’s quite simple, really… work.  Work is the reason I’ve not kept up with anything as of late.  It’s the reason why I haven’t worked on anything and also the reason why I’ve been avoiding my computer like the plague.  I get home from work and all I want to do is sleep.  On my days off, I don’t want anywhere near the stress and demands of being online, so I screw around or read.  Bad me, very bad me!

Unfortunately, it’s not getting any better… it’s getting worse.  I’m working nearly five days this week, mostly because I am picking up days for someone who is leaving us.  I may even be working more.  I’m supposed to be part time, but yeah.  Well, that isn’t happening.  I can’t complain, either.  I need the money.  I wish I didn’t, but I do.  I wanted to do something really nice for the fiancé and well, it cost a bit more than I anticipated.  But it was worth it.  Plus, well, I like buying things… sue me.  You won’t get much.

I wish I had a better excuse, but I don’t.  I really only got online now to check my email and give notice that I haven’t died or left the internet.  Real life is a bitch and it is seriously coming after me for that two month break I had.  Ugh, ugh, ugh…

Fiancé still hasn’t heard back, but hopefully it’ll happen this week.  His mother seems to think so, at least.

My cousin had her baby girl on the 10th, at 12:10.  I’m told she’s adorable, but babies rarely are.  I’m awaiting picture proof.

Oh, and did I mention that my fiancé’s nearly ex-fiancée visited us at work?  WTF, seriously.  She seems to not realize the “rules” of exes.  You DO NOT keep in contact with your ex, especially when you are married.  It was like, five or six years ago.  Worse yet, she isn’t anywhere as fat as she used to be and while the fiancé is wholly convinced she’s an ugly cow, she isn’t.  I wouldn’t have been nearly as upset if I had looked somewhat presentable, but I didn’t.  So now whatever bad ass image she had formed up in her head is shattered.  I could have killed him.  She wouldn’t have known me from Eve if he hadn’t felt the need to “introduce” us.  The right thing my ass, did he not see how horrible I looked?  Mostly I’m annoyed by the fact she won’t go away.  They weren’t friends before they dated and she cheated on him profusely.  They did not part amiciably and the only reason they stayed together for a year was for the sex.  WHY are you still around weird stalker ex?  GO AWAY.

So, that made for a fun work day.  I literally just wanted to kill someone.  I wasn’t sure who, his ex or the fiancé.

Okay, headache increasing.  Time to go hide in a dark room.

October Already?!

Okay, seriously… when did it become October?  This is just madness.  Now time is going to fly by and soon it will be Christmas.  I am soo not ready for the holidays.  I’m not even ready for October!  Oh well, time stands still for no one.

I’m in Ohio/WV right now, which means I’m back to work.  I’m working more hours, like I was when I first started, so by the time I get home… the last thing I want to do is get online.  Especially with this much slower than my uber DSL connection.  We are also training like, three people.  The entire crew is nearly gone and I have seniority over every other crew member.  I’ve only been around six months!  Plus, the fiancé requires a good bit of my time.  Usually we will mess around on our PCs together, but still.  We’ve been apart two months and have a lot of catching up to do.  I feel bad leaving everyone hanging, but priorities must be asserted.  I’m just so thankful my days of internet addiction are long over.

Speaking of the fiancé, his interview was yesterday.  What a long ass, tired day that was.  It went extremely well and the one from the biochemistry department said he would definitely hear from them.  Exciting!  It sounds like a really good environment and I think he would enjoy it a lot.  So, hopefully, we’ll hear something soon and all plans and whatnot can come to fruition… finally.

I’m typing this while the fiancé runs his mother to her office.  She’s going away all weekend for some ACS thing.  His dad is out in Idaho or something hunting elk.  So we get the house to ourselves all weekend.  Very nice.  Saturday is the only day he has to work, so it’s the only day I’ll have to get caught up on most things.

I also found out that the robe I wanted so desperately from vs.com is still in the huuuge store they have in the mall here.  It is truly massive.  Anyway, it is mysteriously missing from the site, but there are a few left in the store.  The fiancé told me to go ahead and get it, but I already spent the money I had saved to buy it and I just can’t reason spending, impulsively, $60 on it.  I’ll probably end up getting it, but I at least wanted to put some thought into it.

Okay, time to go do something productive… and wait for the fiancé to bring me back my hotcakes from McDonald’s.  He got upset because I asked him to get them and he had planned on surprising me anyway, lol.  Great minds think alike?

/squeal!

My dress is here!  It is so beautiful, honestly.  I think putting it on will put it to shame.  Wow.  It is just gorgeous.  I want to tear open the garment bag and wear it like one of those crazy old rich ladies.  My great great grandma Alexander did that crap.  She wore evening gowns around the house with her huge, expensive chokers and necklaces.  Maybe it runs in the family.  Unfortunately, it will remain safely in the bag until I get some alterations.  I have an hour glass shape and most dresses don’t take that into consideration.  What’s good for the boobs isn’t always the same for the waist!  Luckily, it’s an empire waist, so all that needs to be changed is the length, really.

Good news on the fiancé news front, as well.  He’s still up for three departments, but one of the departments has managed to narrow down their candidates to five people.  The fiancé is at the top for interviews!  They’ll call him this week and give him a day next week to come in.  I am so excited and happy for him, I just know if he goes in there, he’ll get the job.  He’s aggressive and charismatic.  Even better, I get to go with him to buy his interview clothes… God knows he can’t match.  Sigh.

He’ll be here Friday and we’ll be leaving early next week.  I’m definitely happy about that.  I miss him so much it isn’t even funny.

The Dress?

So, I’m still not feeling completely better, but good enough to get my ass out of bed.  My fiance’s mother has been driving me crazy to look for a wedding dress, but everything I’ve seen so far I haven’t liked.  I’m pretty picky, I like classical-looking dresses and am not fond of the overly flamboyant stereotypical wedding dresses.  But I saw an ad on TV where David’s Bridal is having a sale, so I got on to look…

And found this wonderfully gorgeous dress.  It’s still pricey at $229.99 (I am NOT wasting tons of dollars on something I will wear ONCE), but it’s soo pretty.  I love it.

I can’t link a picture because it’s javascript, but you can see it if you click here.