Womanly Pains

This post may border on TMI for some. If so, you’ve been warned, you don’t have to read. For the brave, well, feel free to continue forward.

I originally went on birth control to regulate my hellish periods. Serious. They were like being touched by the hand of Satan in the girly bits. I would bleed profusely, puke, and pass out. Thankfully, it was isolated to the first day. I rarely got the angries, but I was frequently depressive to the point of it being… ridiculous. Anyway, I went to a doctor after a few years and they said that perhaps I just had too much estrogen. I’ve been on birth control for about a year now. It’s working pretty well. It isn’t perfect, but the pain is definitely gone and I bleed normally now. My anemia, it cries out in glee.

I am waiting on my period now, however, and it is not coming. It is Wednesday, I stopped the pills Sunday, as I was supposed to. I’m on twenty-eight day cycles. Where oh where are you, fair period? I am feeling like shit. I have the symptoms, but yet it is MIA. I had a slight bit of spotting, but hardly anything to raise alarms about. My insides are churning so loud my fiancé has been giving me odd looks. I am crampy and unusually cranky. This is probably because my damn period IS BEING A LITTLE BITCH. Get your ass over here, young lady, and get this party started. Come ON. Don’t you dare think you can wait until I go to work. I still get sick when it starts and sometimes, I start sweating and it triggers other things and bam. I am out like a light. Blegh.

It could be the stress, also, that I am having lately. I tried to work on my writing, but I can’t. My emotions are everywhere and I go from feeling hopelessly depressed one minute to hopelessly enraged the next. I go from wanting to give up to wanting to tell everyone to piss off and give up. My domain registration requires renewal in a few weeks. It would be so easy to just disappear and save myself the heartache and the headache… but I would and could never do that.

Especially not in this shitty mindset. Rational thought? Not here, at least… not right now. Maybe later. Leave a message, I’m sure it’ll get back to you at its earliest convenience! I’m still waiting for it to call me back…

Back to playing Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility while I can. The fiancé and I have been fighting over it for days. Neither of us have any free time and when we finally do, it’s together and we both want the same thing. Hilarious and horrible.

Oh, and I work a 11-9 shift this Saturday. YEAH, that’ll be great. Kill me now, please. Watch me come in Sunday, too. I can’t bitch, though, because I have serious bills that need to be paid. Why must I have my head up my ass when it really ought to be thinking?

Probably because I am too busy contemplating the best way to kill people in a certain community for being such asshats. I hate popularity, I really do. And in another vein, I’ll never understand why people FLOCK to kiss the feet of someone who only posts once a year and never comments on anything except when she’s “in the mood” to play the game itself or create.

Maybe I should do that. Then, maybe, I can be cool, loved, and OHSOPOPULAR!! too.

Fuck that–aren’t even fit to kiss my ass.

And while I’m offending everyone and their mother… people who drool over their own characters and call them sexy and whatnot? FREAK ME THE HELL OUT. Quit lusting over pixelated, non-existent man cock. It’s fucking weird.

I totally shouldn’t hit post, but I will. Fuck it. I censor myself way too much, why do I care if someone on the internet hates me? OHNOESTHEPOPULARSWILLEETME!

Pain, pain, PAIN!

My head is literally throbbing right now.  Ugh.  It hurts so bad that it’s causing my stomach to roll.  Maybe I should eat something.  After I type this, at least.  I’m behind on everything else, but I should at least explain why.

It’s quite simple, really… work.  Work is the reason I’ve not kept up with anything as of late.  It’s the reason why I haven’t worked on anything and also the reason why I’ve been avoiding my computer like the plague.  I get home from work and all I want to do is sleep.  On my days off, I don’t want anywhere near the stress and demands of being online, so I screw around or read.  Bad me, very bad me!

Unfortunately, it’s not getting any better… it’s getting worse.  I’m working nearly five days this week, mostly because I am picking up days for someone who is leaving us.  I may even be working more.  I’m supposed to be part time, but yeah.  Well, that isn’t happening.  I can’t complain, either.  I need the money.  I wish I didn’t, but I do.  I wanted to do something really nice for the fiancé and well, it cost a bit more than I anticipated.  But it was worth it.  Plus, well, I like buying things… sue me.  You won’t get much.

I wish I had a better excuse, but I don’t.  I really only got online now to check my email and give notice that I haven’t died or left the internet.  Real life is a bitch and it is seriously coming after me for that two month break I had.  Ugh, ugh, ugh…

Fiancé still hasn’t heard back, but hopefully it’ll happen this week.  His mother seems to think so, at least.

My cousin had her baby girl on the 10th, at 12:10.  I’m told she’s adorable, but babies rarely are.  I’m awaiting picture proof.

Oh, and did I mention that my fiancé’s nearly ex-fiancée visited us at work?  WTF, seriously.  She seems to not realize the “rules” of exes.  You DO NOT keep in contact with your ex, especially when you are married.  It was like, five or six years ago.  Worse yet, she isn’t anywhere as fat as she used to be and while the fiancé is wholly convinced she’s an ugly cow, she isn’t.  I wouldn’t have been nearly as upset if I had looked somewhat presentable, but I didn’t.  So now whatever bad ass image she had formed up in her head is shattered.  I could have killed him.  She wouldn’t have known me from Eve if he hadn’t felt the need to “introduce” us.  The right thing my ass, did he not see how horrible I looked?  Mostly I’m annoyed by the fact she won’t go away.  They weren’t friends before they dated and she cheated on him profusely.  They did not part amiciably and the only reason they stayed together for a year was for the sex.  WHY are you still around weird stalker ex?  GO AWAY.

So, that made for a fun work day.  I literally just wanted to kill someone.  I wasn’t sure who, his ex or the fiancé.

Okay, headache increasing.  Time to go hide in a dark room.


My dress is here!  It is so beautiful, honestly.  I think putting it on will put it to shame.  Wow.  It is just gorgeous.  I want to tear open the garment bag and wear it like one of those crazy old rich ladies.  My great great grandma Alexander did that crap.  She wore evening gowns around the house with her huge, expensive chokers and necklaces.  Maybe it runs in the family.  Unfortunately, it will remain safely in the bag until I get some alterations.  I have an hour glass shape and most dresses don’t take that into consideration.  What’s good for the boobs isn’t always the same for the waist!  Luckily, it’s an empire waist, so all that needs to be changed is the length, really.

Good news on the fiancé news front, as well.  He’s still up for three departments, but one of the departments has managed to narrow down their candidates to five people.  The fiancé is at the top for interviews!  They’ll call him this week and give him a day next week to come in.  I am so excited and happy for him, I just know if he goes in there, he’ll get the job.  He’s aggressive and charismatic.  Even better, I get to go with him to buy his interview clothes… God knows he can’t match.  Sigh.

He’ll be here Friday and we’ll be leaving early next week.  I’m definitely happy about that.  I miss him so much it isn’t even funny.


So, my results have come in and the answer is negative. I’m not sure how I feel about the news. I should be relieved, shouldn’t I? But I’m not really sure how I feel. What does that mean, then? What’s wrong with me? What in God’s name did I do to my hormones and I sure hope I can fix it… let it be known that I am never, ever skipping a period ever, ever again. Ever. No. I don’t care what I have to miss, never, ever again. Too much hassle, too much insanity.

I don’t really want to go to the next appointment they have set for Friday. I really, really don’t want to have to pay for another senseless visit. Especially when my yearly check-up is on the 26th. So that’s three of these damn exams. I’ve had enough people staring at my business, thanks. Can we stop now? He’s just going to lecture me on crap I already know and I swear to God, if he calls me “kiddo” again, I’ll scream. I know I look young, I know it’s hard to comprehend I’m really twenty-two, but I am. Please treat me with respect as a patient paying for your shit. It’s coming out of my pocket, not the insurance company’s. Trust me, I wish it was.

I just really hope the fiancé hears something from from the WV State Police Department next week. Please, please, PLEASE! That would be awesome. Because I want to leave, like, now. And as much as I love and adore his parents, I don’t want to mooch off them. I want to at least be freaking married. Even if I’m no longer even looking forward to it anymore… I just need some decent, good news right now. Really, really bad. How many times have I typed really? Way too many times, I’d wager.

Two weeks until the fiancé comes back. I don’t want to go back to work, but I do want to see him. It’s been two freaking months and that’s two months too long, especially when we’re used to seeing one another every day. Sigh.

The best thing to come out of today was the fact that I was right, I haven’t gained a single pound, in fact… I’ve shed several since I’ve come home. Very nice.

My freaking arm still hurts. I hate blood tests, hate.

If I hadn’t already bought shoes and a skirt from G.A.P. and Old.Navy (periods to prevent google), I’d want to buy more. Actually, I want to buy more anyway. Vic.toria.Secr.et’s soft collection, even sans robe, is very tempting but ridiculously expensive. Sigh.