Sick Baby

Sick Baby


Mum was visiting this past weekend. It went well, despite some hiccups. It could have gone a whole lot worse. What really made the weekend was that Evangeline was just so happy to have her and her boyfriend there. She really enjoyed spending time with them. Mum also got her two really cool toys, so she enjoyed that, too. She even got a Sophie–finally! She’s obsessed with the books and when she made noises at it and then pet the box when we handed it to her at Toys’r’Us… it was pretty much decided.

She was a little “off” all weekend, though. Uncharacteristically clingy and fussy. She’s always got a bit of an ‘attitude’ about things… but this was just unlike her at all. She was warm on and off, but never spiked a fever. Little did I know…


I’m proud of myself for handling things as well as I did. My nerves are still a bit frayed at the ends, but it’s nowhere near as bad as the last visit. It really did help just seeing Eva so happy. Mum would say or do something ridiculous and then I’d see Eva’s face and anything I felt just evaporated. That didn’t mean the weekend went without conflict, it just means I didn’t feed into it as much as I would normally.

The mother-in-law’s birthday was yesterday, so we dropped in and visited with her a little. Evangeline and I took her out for dinner tonight and we gave her some gifts I picked out. The gifts would have been a lot better if my printer was working…



Mum and her boyfriend left this morning and I dropped Evangeline off at daycare. I warned the ladies there that she was a little snotty and warm, but not feverish. I got a call around 11 that she was running a low grade fever. I immediately booked an appointment at the doctor, as I’d noticed a barking cough the past night or so. It wasn’t frequent, but it was enough to worry me. Turns out that Evangeline has croup and an ear infection! How in the hell?!

She’s such a trooper. I think she’s going to be like me. I mean, I knew she was “off”, but she never once acted that sick! She was playing, laughing, active, etc. I picked her up at daycare with the mother-in-law and she was just sort of out of it. She was working through her fever. She’d since been active and fun again, but with periods of inactivity and fussiness. The coughing is back, too. She’s broken around four fevers so far. I’m worried, but trying not to freak out too badly. This is the sickest she’s ever been… and the husband isn’t here. She’s been sleeping with me all weekend due to being clingy and she’ll definitely be with me tonight. That cough! It’s so worrisome.

I slipped her some more prednisone because it seems to only last around 4 hours. She didn’t even wake up. I’m hoping it helps her sleep so her body and the antibiotics can kick in. I’m going to give it very sparingly after this… she’s had it twice today and that’s twice too many for me! She hasn’t been coughing that much until tonight, where it’s been several bouts.

Single parents need medals. Going through this alone sucks.

Another aside about my mum, that I told my mother-in-law about tonight: I realize why I am the way I am. I mean that in the specific “lone wolf” sense. I’ve since gotten a lot better, but not too long ago, I absolutely balked at the idea of help. I wouldn’t let people help me, I didn’t accept or rely on others, and I absolutely refused to depend on or trust anyone, including the husband. When my mum was visiting, her selfishness reared its ugly head. My mum isn’t a bad person, but just like everyone does, she has negative personality traits–one such thing is selfishness. She doesn’t really think about or consider others. Case in point: every single time we went somewhere or even here, she didn’t really help me at all. She’d walk ahead, leaving me to get the baby, the bag, and everything else. She didn’t once offer to help or even seem to acknowledge that help would be nice. Her boyfriend, thankfully, is the total opposite. He always waited for me and offered to help, which I appreciated.

To me, it’s just so bizarre how people can operate like that. Then I realize, I was raised in a family filled with it. Almost my entire family is that way. How did I even deal? How did I end up being the person that I am now? I’m not one to toot my own horn, but I am usually very considerate and am always offering to help others. I pay attention and am very mindful of the people around me. How did I come from such selfish stock?! It’s really amazing.

Oh well. As long as Evangeline grows up and learns to be kind, empathetic, etc… that’s all that matters.

Lonely Evening

Lonely Evening

I’m sitting here, waiting for the husband to get back from his trip to Richmond, VA. You don’t realize how lonely it is without your significant other until they’re gone. I left for work before he did this morning. It’s going to be really rough Friday when he leaves for ten whole days! I’m going to be so lonely… he’s the only person I really talk to. Sigh. Not having friends kind of sucks.

Evangeline is asleep. She went down fairly easy, but there’s no guaranteeing that she’ll stay that way. She’s been waking up around ten or eleven, depending on when she went down. She’s been asleep since eight and it’s now just past nine… I’m expecting her to wake up. Maybe I’m even hoping? Wow, that’s how you know I’m lonely!

I haven’t even eaten dinner. I’m just really not hungry and honestly, I have no idea how to “cook for one”. I’ve lost all of my lone wolf habits! I’ll have to get some quick and easy meals for when the husband is away… that or I’ll lose some weight while he’s gone, haha.


We took some family photos this past weekend at the in-laws. I’m still really upset that I didn’t get my professional photos, but I got some good ones of the baby and some passable ones of us all together. I’m usually the one ruining the shots. You can see the camera remote in my hands in a few of them, sigh! It’s either that or my necklace or hair are a mess… or I’m making a stupid face. I hate being in pictures. I am not naturally photogenic at all.

Evangeline is becoming more and more mobile each day, she’s growing so fast. Getting the pictures were really important to encapsulate this time forever. Soon, she won’t be my baby anymore. That kind of breaks my heart. I never thought I’d enjoy the baby period, but I really have. Now she’s becoming her own person and not just my little snuggle bug. It’s amazing to watch but it’s also kind of sad.


She’s been incredibly clingy as of late and won’t accept daddy when it comes to being comforted. She constantly wants me or boob. I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to parent without breastfeeding! It’s like the catch-all solution. I think I’ll miss breastfeeding, too. I remember being so uncertain about it, even when I was in the midst of labor. It was tough at first and I’ve had my issues (especially with pumping), but I’m glad I did it. I’d do it again. It is/was worth it.

Eva has also started making ridiculous faces. I think she’s finally figured out that she can control her facial expressions. Her favorite one right now is this hilarious “Chucky” face! It really does look like him and she does like this breathing laugh… it’s so devious but also very hilarious!

She’s moved up to the one-year-old class. It’s been a slightly rough transition, mostly due to the fact that they can only take one really long nap… and well, that’s never been Eva’s strong suit. She sucks at napping and I can’t even remember when she’s ever napped longer than forty-five minutes! So, she’s quite tired and cranky. She’s adjusting, though… slowly. She’s definitely more engaged and active with all of the new toys and activities, though.


It’s hard to get anything done with her now, as she’s started scooting around. If you turn your back for five seconds, she’s somehow made it across the room! I doubt she’ll crawl. The most she’s managed on her belly is pushing herself awkwardly backwards… but she wants to walk. I’m a little concerned she might do it while the husband is away! I’m definitely buying a “baby fence” (read: play yard) so I can at least get some things done.

I keep randomly thinking back to last year at this time… how different things were. It’s kind of amazing. I had no idea how much my life would change… or even how much I would change. Geeze. Seems like worlds apart now.


I really thought I’d enjoy being alone. I thought I’d get some “me” time, but I’m mostly just bored and anxious. I was printing out pictures of Eva (as I’ve made zero progress on her album since her birth), but then my printer decided to be stupid so now I have to wait for the husband to fix it. I’m awful with printers… I always end up breaking them. He still won’t let me live down ripping off the bottom tray…

I’ll have to come back in and add the pictures I took later. I’m too lazy to run downstairs!

Eight Months

Eight Months


I can hardly believe it. Evangeline is 8 months old! How is this even possible? Where did my little baby go? She’s really trying to be mobile now, but still hasn’t quite achieved it. She’s frustrated that she can’t just get on her belly and crawl. That’s what happens when you hate being on your tummy! She’s trying, though. I’m a little scared that it’s going to happen soon…

She’s babbling and saying things like mumumum and dadada, though not with any discernible consistency. Mostly she just goes, “mumumum!” when she’s crying and will randomly, but very clearly, say, “Dada!” She’s too focused on trying to figure out how to get places to figure that stuff out, I think, heh.

She’s still wearing her 6 month clothes, but I’ve got a few 6 to 9 months in there. I think we’ll need to switch her pajamas out soon, at least a few of them, as they’re tight on the length of her legs. The 9 month ones seem huge, though. I guess we went through that when she was turning 5 months, too…


Mum was up over the 4th of July weekend. They arrived Saturday and left before noon on Monday. It was a short visit, but she got to spend time with Eva. It was difficult. Mum was being very erratic and just kind of mean, without really intending to be, due to her “issues”… but I did a great job of just dealing with it. We didn’t have fights like last time. I was just super stressed out afterwards. We spent almost an entire day at the mall on Sunday and Eva did amazing! Not one meltdown or fussy episode! I was so proud of her.

Mum got to see the daycare on Monday, too, as I called off work. I needed to just mentally rest after the visit and I’ve been feeling weird about leaving Evangeline, too. I think I’m just responding to her being extra clingy lately. She’s going through another “leap” and is really intent on trying to move around. She’s not sleeping great at night, she usually ends up in bed with me… though she’ll randomly do awesome and just sleep in her own bed, too. I can’t figure it out so I just say she’s going through something, haha. I’m sure it’ll pass.

It’s been so awful and rainy here that our photos got rescheduled three times and now they’re scheduled for August. I was really upset, as I wanted to get photos for her 1st birthday, too, if these turned out great. I guess I just have to buck up and deal if I want my outdoor photos…

Breastfeeding is still going well, Eva was going crazy with solids, but she seems to have scaled back lately and returned to being a boob fiend. Pumping at work still sucks and I can’t wait until I’m done! Four more months, but that also means my baby will be an entire year old and I don’t think I’m ready for that at all!

I keep thinking back to last year and where I was, mentally, then. It’s such a stretch. It’s so weird to see pictures of myself pregnant. All of it seems so very far away now, like it happened an eternity ago. It’s like looking at a different person and in a way, I was an entirely different person then! I’m glad I kept the pregnancy journal, though. It’s interesting to look at now…

Memorial Day Weekend in PA

Memorial Day Weekend in PA

We were in Pennsylvania for Memorial Day weekend. I was worried about the trip, but it actually went really well. Evangeline handled the car trip like a champ! We left really early so to keep in tune with her nap schedule and everything worked out great. We stopped only one extra time and we made sure to let her stretch and play whenever we did stop.


The weekend wasn’t without its drama, but it was still a good visit. We spent Sunday morning with my dad, his wife, and my grammy Naylor. They made us breakfast–which was delicious–and then we just hung out for a bit. My dad was on 3-11 shift and couldn’t get a switch, so he had to leave for work around 3.

I was really glad that he was a lot more interested and interactive with Eva this time! He had so much fun playing with her. We also found out that his wife has MS and has been misdiagnosed for nearly a decade… yikes. They took her off a bunch of the pills she was on and she was actually pleasant to deal with, which was nice.


We spent a lot of time with the grandparents and Eva really took to both of my grandparents. I was so happy to see them interacting. My grandpa’s sister even came in (she also has MS and has had it for a very long time) to see Eva. I’m really sad that I look like some sort of fat cow in all of these pictures! I’m only 10lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight… I just photograph horribly.

Mum was the wildcard that kind of made the visit way more stressful. First off, she wasn’t even there when we arrived on Saturday. They were at a baseball game. So, they got back on Sunday. She returned way earlier than planned and then got mad when my aunt was there, sigh. My mum really needs to be medicated. Her moods were all over the place the entire time we were there. I still enjoyed seeing her, but it was really stressful trying to deal with her erratic behavior.


I got to see my cousin and her latest baby! He’s only a month older than Evangeline. Their interactions were too cute! I was really glad to see him and to have all of the cousins meet Eva. We tried to get everyone on the couch for a picture, which… kind of worked. It’s hard to get that many kids to sit still. My grandparents house was insanely crowded that day! There were a total of seven kids, and around eight adults. I’m honestly shocked her house can hold that many!

All in all, the visit went well aside from a few hiccups. We managed to cram everything into the few days we were there, except eating at my favorite restaurants! Because I’m from a small town, everything was closed Memorial day. The whole “everything closes by three or five on Sundays” is just a total small town thing that I do not miss at all. We missed out on Hoss’s, so we stopped on the way home… it was tasty!

Going home always reminds me why I left and I’m glad that I’m not there anymore. It sucks that Eva won’t grow up alongside her cousins like I did, but on the flipside, she also won’t be exposed to the close-mindedness, the ignorance, or the small-town mentality I had to combat my entire life. She’ll be a better person for all of it and will get a lot more exposure here, even though that seems odd, given that where we live… but it’s definitely better than the alternative. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t escaped!


Six Months

Six Months

My sweet baby girl turned six months on the 12th. I can hardly believe it. Six months… that’s half of a year! A year ago, I was still freaking out; I was incredibly sick; we were preparing to go to Arizona. I had no idea what awaited me–I had no idea that she was even a little girl. Now, here we are, an entire year later… and she’s six months old.


Time has such a different meaning and flow once you’ve got someone to care for. Children change things, yes, but they change time the most–the way you perceive it and the way to seems to pass. It simultaneously flies by and lags along. It’s amazing and it’s baffling. I want to stop and cherish these moments forever, but they just seem so fleeting. They’re escaping my grasp and it makes me sad. My little baby is growing up.

Sometimes I just stare at her in wonderment–she’s a part of me, more a part of me than anything can be. I made her; she has my hands, my fingers, my cheeks, my dimples… I just can’t get over it. It hits me randomly and each time it does, it’s just so intense.


I could never have anticipated the way I feel now. I’m still getting to know it, I’m still trying to understand it. Every day, it seems to grow and change and somehow become deeper. It’s the most intense, scary, and amazing thing I’ve ever felt. Thinking back on my life before it–before her–just seems odd. There was a life before this? How?

But it isn’t all easy. It’s hard, really hard sometimes. I’ve made sacrifices I didn’t know I was capable of. I’ve given up things I swore I never would. Free time, relaxation, all of those things are foreign concepts to me now. I know that, eventually, I’ll regain the ability to do the things I once did… but right now? I feel like a completely different person, so apart from the things I once knew and loved.

There’s also the battles in raising a child. Evangeline is growing and learning, and along with that, comes hardship. I don’t agree with cry it out and I’m definitely in the ‘attachment parenting’ camp… but ever since Evangeline got sick, she hasn’t been sleeping through the night like she once was. Every time she coughed or stirred, I ran to her, worried because she was having issues breathing. Now that she’s better, she’s waking up every hour or so and not sleeping. She’s cranky and irritable in the mornings.

So, I spoke with the pediatrician at her visit and she advised that I try a less intense form of ‘sleep training.’ Essentially, we put her to bed drowsy, allow her to fall asleep, and when she wakes, we go to her, soothe her, and then immediately leave. If she cries, we wait five minutes, go in and soothe her, and then leave again. It’s still letting her cry a bit and I’m not okay with it. The only reason I’m allowing it is because we know she’s faking. The husband proved it to me by having me leave the room while she was in a full-blown crying fit. I left, she stopped, and then she was giggling and smiling at the husband. Sigh.

I’m hoping this works. We’ve only been doing it reliably for a day or so. On Monday, she slept great and woke up super happy. It was awesome. Last night was rough, however, as she woke constantly. I’m crossing my fingers for a turnaround soon… I’m a total wimp when it comes to her crying!