The Longest Wait

My doctor’s appointment on Thursday was disappointing. I’m barely dilated, if even at all! He really had to get up in there, which was immensely uncomfortable. They asked me what the baby weighed at my last ultrasound and I had no idea, because no one had explicitly told me. All they usually say is, “she looks good, everything is healthy.” Which, you know, is great… but details would be nice!

After the exam, we had a minor scare that he’d broken my water. I was sitting in a literal puddle. My husband ran and got the doctor back. He tested it, but it wasn’t amniotic fluid. It was a lot of discharge, mixed with a tiny bit of blood, and possibly some urine (gross!) Being pregnant is truly nasty at times. I’m glad it wasn’t my actual water breaking, as then I’d be confined to a hospital and induced. I really don’t want to be induced!

We spent yesterday out and about for around eight hours. I did a lot of walking and some minor shopping, just enjoying time with the husband and trying to hopefully get things going. We’ve been doing everything we can think of to naturally progress labor along. My next appointment is, again, Thursday… which is also my due date. I’m really hoping I’ve made some progress by then. I’d love to be able to labor at home instead of being confined to the hospital and bed, hooked up to a bunch of monitors. I also have an irrational fear of hemorrhaging out and dying… it’s rare, but it happens, and it happens more often with inducing.

We have pretty much everything ready to go. I’ve been buying small things here and there. We went out for my very early Birthday lunch last weekend (it was delicious!) I haven’t actually gotten a present, but there’s nothing I really want right now. I think the husband has forgotten, because he was being really persistent… which is good. I don’t want to waste money we could be using towards the baby and truly getting her room ready. I’d love to get a bookcase. I’ve started getting things together for my plan to have her simultaneously exposed to both English and French from day one. Husband is in charge of the speaking part of French… he took it for seven years and could have had it as a minor, whereas I am hopeless. ;)

The plaques haven’t worked out, but we’re persisting. We may end up just getting wooden letters and decorating them! I want something on the wall above her crib. Letters or plaques would look great there. I really wish I were more crafty and gifted in that area. Sigh. I’m so jealous of all the other people out there who are! Pinterest is just a website of things I’m incapable of doing probably, haha.

I’m not sure how ready I am to truly be a mother or have an infant, but I definitely know I’ve had enough of being pregnant! Labor is kind of scary, but I’m doing really good with not panicking or anything. I’ve educated myself as best as I can, the husband knows what I want (as does the doctor), but I’m also willing to do whatever we need to. This pregnant gig, though, is getting old. I want my body back! I’m tired of feeling like a turtle on its back and the constant discomfort is just too much. If I gain anymore weight, I think I’ll have a nervous breakdown! The scale is not my friend. I had such high hopes of being active and amazing, but it just didn’t happen. I truly had no idea how uncomfortable I would get. Ugh.

We may go out a bit more today and get some things. We’re putting the closet off until after she’s here. I really want to get a little organization kit and we found a bunch of stuff at Home Depot that’s perfect… but it may be better to wait a bit. The setup we have now works well enough and we still need proper doors. The ones we have now don’t fit after the drywall installation and I still want to buy a bookcase, which costs a bit more than I had anticipated. I’d love to at least have it ordered before she’s here! I need something to set the awesome dragonfly globe my aunt bought for me on.

The husband has declared that tomorrow is my last day at work. I had every intention of working until I went into labor, but husband wants my time to run out in December when people can donate leave to me. So now I get to spend Monday figuring out all of that fun stuff! I have enough SIQ and AWL to ensure I get paid until December 16th… hopefully we can get enough donations to at least make it into the new year. That only give us two and a half months or so without my pay.

I don’t want to not work and lose out, but I’d also rather be here getting stuff done, anyway. I’m benched at work, so all I am right now is a glorified secretary. It’s really pointless and boring. I mean, I’m thankful my job isn’t difficult and the people I work with and for are all understanding, but I hate feeling like I’m not actually contributing. At least if I’m home, I can get stuff done here. We’ll see what happens.

Best Laid Plans…

Best Laid Plans...

I’m not going to lie, I thought I’d have a baby by now. Apparently, she’s quite stubborn and has no intentions of coming before she’s ready! Everyone else I knew who was pregnant with me, both those due before and after me, have all given birth already. Of course, they all had boys. Boys have little issue coming early it seems. My doctor’s appointment is tomorrow and they’re going to check me and see if I’ve made any progress. I’ll be 39 weeks.

I had these amazing plans of making my own little wooden placards with her name on them. Buying one would cost nearly $300 due to the length of her name. Of course, I got all the stuff… but I’m not terribly crafty. Unfortunately, we’re having issues with the stencils involving her name. Husband was going to cut them out… but they’re not coming out as smoothly as we’d like.


It doesn’t help that I bought some cheap acrylic paint for the lettering and it turns out it is way too runny to use! I’m not sure what we’re going to do now. I feel so defeated. I wish I were crafty. I really wanted her nursery to look nice and not just a room. Sigh.

I’ve been doing my best, but I’m still not happy with it. I’m a perfectionist, so none of this is… it just feels extremely “bland” to me. I feel like everyone else pulls out all of the stops for their first child’s nursery and it took us forever to even get the walls finished. We’re working on organizing her closet now. I’ve got everything mostly washed, just a few odds and ends left.

We’ve been leaving the the nursery room open to air it out and get Loki used to it. It used to be this mysterious room we kept a bunch of crap in, but now it’s got furniture and more importantly, stuffed animals, so he’s interested. He didn’t bother it much at first, but adding those seemed to pique his interest. The husband was in there measuring when Loki jumped up into the crib and tried to abscond one of her stuffed animals!


He really likes the little husky I just got at Carter’s over the weekend. We went out shopping a bit with the mother-in-law since the father-in-law was off hunting and she was lonely. I got some sweaters and hoodies because they were having a sale. The husband pointed out the husky dog and I grabbed it. I love huskies! Apparently, so does Loki… well, he loves anything that’s fuzzy.


After I shooed him away from the husky, he started nosing into all the other soft things. There’s a bunch of stuff piled on her crib because I’m still sorting and organizing. Loki decided that he liked the comforter and flopped down. It’s like Loki heaven–surrounded by stuffed animals and soft, cushy blanket to enjoy. Sigh. When I went to remove him, he tried snapping at me. Naughty kitty!

I don’t encourage him to go into the crib because I don’t want him doing that when she’s actually asleep in it! He’s not malicious to children by any means, he likes to cuddle with them… which is the worry. I don’t want him smothering her on accident.

As we approach the due date, I’m suffering from a lot of insomnia and just major discomfort. I haven’t had any “nesting’ vibes yet, but I’m still forcing myself to organize and clean as much as I’m able to. I fell down the steps over the weekend and while I didn’t hurt my belly, I did take the entirety of the fall on my left knee. Since then, I’ve been swelling like crazy in my legs. It’s horrifying! I’m a little worried my doctor is going to write me off work, so I’ve planned my leave out for my last day being the third. We’ll see what happens…

I’m really ambivalent about my family lately. My mother isn’t respecting my “no contact” request and my grandparents are being overly pushy about the whole situation. No one on that side is being understanding in the least. As I told the husband, as per usual, no one cares or thinks about me, they’re only worried about themselves. Thinking about it just agitates me. I don’t even know if I want to tell them when she comes, because I don’t want to deal with the stress of them coming down and wanting to bring my mother. She’s taken to calling my mother-in-law, which is just completely inappropriate!

At least my dad and that side of the family is being good. It’s like a seesaw. Annoying.

More Stuff!

More Stuff!

The nursery is coming along. The husband put together all of the furniture we have so far (changing table and crib) last weekend and then we put the new light and the curtains up that we got last Saturday. I still need to get the dragonfly painting mother-in-law did into the proper frame and hang it up. I had wanted to buy another picture or two, but then I saw name blocks and I might try to do something like that on my own. Her name is long, so paying someone to make them would be around $200! I also want to get a rug, since I hate the carpet.


We should get the crib mattress and changing table pad on Tuesday, hopefully! Her portable bassinet arrived this week. Seeing it is just weird. The entire house has been overtaken by baby stuff! This won’t be changing any time soon, either. Only instead of boxes and gift bags, it will be legitimate things like her bouncer/swing and her things. That she’s actually using. Because she’ll be here. As a person.

Still so weird to even consider. That it isn’t going to just be me and the husband anymore. My mind can’t really wrap around it. I can’t even begin to “prepare” for the change, so instead, I’m freaking out mildly about all the losses. Husband is focusing on the good. I have to keep assuring him that this is just how I cope with major change. Moving down here was huge and the best thing I ever did, but I didn’t feel that way about it when it was happening. I have a process I have to go through.

Husband wants to celebrate my birthday early. I appreciate that he even wants to still celebrate it at all. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to being forgotten amidst all the baby madness. It sucks, but that’s life.


This weekend, we bought our car finally! I was kind of shocked at how quickly it all happened. We went to the lot, husband found the exact one he wanted (he’s been doing months of research and gathering quotes; he made a spreadsheet), and we left the lot with it. We still have our old Honda, too, but this one is a Kia Optima EX. It’s very nice, fully loaded, too! I love the big screen in the center console. I haven’t had a chance to drive it yet, but I’ve driven the MIL’s 2013, so I know what to expect. That’s why I suggested we look at them! I liked the way hers drove.

Of course, yesterday was peppered with anxiety. My doctor’s appointment went fine, except that they think I have the beginnings of a bladder infection. My doctor wrote an antibiotic that, when I checked it online, said: ‘do not take in last month of pregnancy.’ So, we had to get a hold of him to make sure that it was okay to take, which it was. It has an elevated risk of jaundice, but they were more concerned about the side effects of allowing a bladder infection to progress.

After that, I started spotting some blood. And I lost the rest of my mucus plug. The blood continued, albeit intermittently, throughout Friday evening and Saturday. It was like the infrequent spotting you get before your period and it was brown. Husband was freaking out, so I called the doctor and was told to keep an eye on it, take it easy, and call him if it was accompanied by cramping, timed contractions, and all of that. So, now everyone is joking that I’ll be in the hospital by this weekend. Yikes.

The baby is still moving, so I wasn’t too worried. I won’t lie, though, I felt completely gross yesterday. I’m not sure if that’s the antibiotic (possibly) or just exhaustion. I was ready for bed by 9pm. I had wanted to clean, but I couldn’t. Every time I tried to get up and do things, I felt like I just wanted to fall over and sleep.

I have a “feeling” she’s going to be an October baby, but feelings don’t mean much. There’s still stuff I want to do, so I’m not quite ready for her yet!

Grandparents Visit

Grandparents Visit

My grandparents from Pennsylvania (maternal side) visited this past weekend. It was kind of a shock. I had hoped they would be here for the baby shower, but my grandmother’s doctor appointment interfered. Honestly, I didn’t think she’d be well enough to visit, but she trooped on down. They drove down in their motor home, which they parked in our parking pad (which fits around 4 cars, so it’s plenty big!)


The husband kept saying he felt like he was in Christmas Vacation and cousin Eddie was camped outside. We had an electrical cord running under our garage door for them and pap kept using the hose to fill their water tank! It was all very hilarious, but also incredibly convenient.

They arrived late Friday evening and went to be before 10pm, so we had a little bit of time to rest up for the busy weekend. On Saturday, we took them out and about. We showed them the mall we used to work at and looked at some baby stuff (my grandma was always a mover and a shaker; she loved going out and doing things), had a nice lunch at a local place, and then headed home and grilled out for dinner.


Sunday morning, we took them to a West Virginia place that’s great for breakfast and then we hung out around the house a bit before heading down towards the in-laws. Husband showed them the city he went to college in (and lived by since he was around eight or so) and then we went out to the in-laws. We hung out there and then went to Cracker Barrel for dinner.

All in all, it was a good visit. I’m glad they came down. I hope it didn’t tire my grandma out too much. She’s definitely wearing down. She went from oxygen, to not using oxygen, to back to needing it all the time and being even weaker than she was before. It’s definitely hard to see her struggle so much to get around. I told her she needs to at least get a wheelchair so she can go places! We rented one for her over the weekend to facilitate us going out and about.

We’re both exhausted, though, and quite done with visits for awhile. We have way too much to get done to lose another weekend! The baby’s room is still nowhere near complete… sigh.

Having my family down here was a bit of a wake-up call, though. It was really weird. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. Husband says it’s because I’m a different person now and they don’t see that. I’m inclined to agree. It’s so nice to be free of the chains my family weighs me down with–who they expect me to be or ‘see’ me as, when I am none of those things. I’m a completely different person here, a much better person. My life is so much better, too. Like I told the husband, it’s a case of “never the two shall meet”; it’s fine to go back and visit, but I’d prefer if my ‘old life’ just sort of stayed where it belonged…

The small town mindset, bigotry, and judgmental ways just doesn’t suit me or my life anymore. It makes me sad. I feel like I’ve outgrown the people I love. It’s a natural process and it definitely needed to happen… but that doesn’t make it any less sobering to think about.

33 Week Ultrasound

33 Week Ultrasound

We had an ultrasound done at 33 weeks last week on Thursday! It was mostly for our own benefit, though when they measured my “growth”, my doctor thought I was measuring ahead, so he ordered the ultrasound. Everything turned out to be fine and she’s right on track with where she should be. They estimate around 4 lbs… which isn’t huge and I’m okay with that.

The funniest thing about it all was that she licked the placenta in the middle of the ultrasound! The tech caught it and laughed, pointing it out to us. She kept doing it, too. We have a picture of it–blackmail material for when she brings boys home, haha!


Look at that Gene Simmons tongue!

It was so crazy to actually see her and her little face. I couldn’t get over it. During the ultrasound, I was fine and joking around with the tech, watching the screen intently… but it didn’t really hit me then. It wasn’t until we had the pictures and we were looking them over that it all became so real. I kept looking at the husband and saying, “look! She has a little face!” 


I’ll be honest, I never thought ultrasound pictures were cute. Even the earlier ones of our own child seemed weird and alien to me. But this? This… it’s cute. It’s creepy, but it’s cute. She has a little face, a little nose, and little lips! Seeing her profile and just her moving around and grabbing onto her little feet (she’s all bunched up in there), I don’t know. It still hits me, even now, a week after the fact. I just look at the picture and think, “wow…”


I jokingly told the husband during the ultrasound that those were clearly not my lips! We all had a good laugh as the tech moved the wand around and tried to get us some good photos. It was difficult because she’s so close to the placenta. I remember holding my breath every time she did a measurement, so worried that she’d make a noise of worry or say something wasn’t right. I was so relieved when none of that happened.

It’s still so hard to believe that soon, she’ll be a real person here with us. She’ll be our daughter and we’ll be her parents. It’s just so hard to wrap our heads around it all. It’s not a bad thing, though. It’s just… different. Everything is changing, even now. My head isn’t the same as it used to be, it functions differently, and it’s really going to change once she’s here.

We’re working hard to get everything done! I’m definitely out of the ‘honeymoon stage’ of my pregnancy. I kind of miss the second trimester; I wasn’t huge, but I had a cute little belly I could dress up easily. Now I feel huge and I can’t seem to find anything to wear! I feel ridiculous. I’m also uncomfortable most of the time… which sucks. Sleep? Ha, ha. That’s hilarious. Yeah, we’re definitely at the end… but that’s okay. It’s been an interesting ride.

We had our baby shower over the weekend, my aunt visited, and we just got a bulk of our big baby stuff today… but that’s a post for another time.