Marriage is an endless learning experience. This is both a thrilling and annoying realization. Thrilling because I’ll never get bored; annoying because we’re going to be doing this back and forth shit until we’re dead. The world couldn’t have picked a better guy to stick with me, though. I’m pretty sure we’re the only two people on Earth capable of handling each other. I’m pretty sure the in-laws know it, too. Anytime it seems like we’re fighting, my mother-in-law always gives me this worried, “are you two fighting?” She acts like one fight is going to be the end of us. So that’s where he gets it…
Despite being polar opposites, we don’t fight a lot. I’m not someone who likes to get upset over things I consider stupid. If he does something that upsets me, I don’t immediately tell him if I feel like it’s something small or stupid. I’ll wait and see if it happens repeatedly before I bring it up. Due to my environment growing up, I can be a little too sensitive about some things, so I try to filter those out from the issues that actually do truly bother me. I also do this because mentioning any issue to my husband is the equivalent of filing divorce papers. I’m not even kidding. His parents, being the ridiculously dysfunctional people that they are, felt that “arguing” was never warranted. So, instead, they practice passive-aggressiveness that would make even the coldest of women’s skin crawl.
It’s something that bothers me a lot, but it’s only one thing. He’ll kick it, eventually. It’s not something that’s natural to him or his personality but a learned, environmental thing. Those things take some time to topple, but they can be defeated. It’s not as bad as it used to be, so there’s a plus. But, there you go… if I wasn’t married, I wouldn’t deal with this. I’d wash my hands of it and walk away. I’m not someone who is desperate to be with someone the rest of my life, so relationships were never a big deal for me. I never dated before my husband and I never planned to until he beat me down. But, since we’re married, I have to deal with it. Such is life.
At least our day-to-day lives are relatively quiet. We don’t fight a lot and certainly not about stupid stuff. If one of us is cranky, the other one usually ends up laughing and when then cranky one is unable to continue because they are also laughing. It usually involves saying something stupid or saying a word wrong, too caught up in trying too hard to be cranky. Even when we have had big fights, we’ve ended up laughing. They also don’t carry on for days. I’m not one of those people, I can’t stand that. When I address a problem or a problem is brought up, I want it discussed and moved towards a solution immediately; none of this harboring guilt or anger or whatever for days and months. That’s just ridiculous and it leads to things getting very bad, very quickly. You can’t walk away from me, I will follow you. My husband has realized the attempt is futile and no longer tries it. I will, quite literally, sit on him until we are in some sort of agreement or compromise.
I’m just glad our little spats are usually quirky. We’re not usually angry so much as annoyed and it just comes out in humorous ways. We still joke about the time we couldn’t decide what to eat (it was my first year living down here with the in-laws). My husband gets frustrated when he can’t get answers out of me. We had been debating for an hour. We both get moody when our blood sugar gets low and we were way, way past that point. He kept asking me what I wanted to eat and I kept telling him that I didn’t know. He asked me if I wanted my favorite, go-to fast food choice, I said nothing. He eventually got so frustrated that he leaned over me (I was lying on the bed) and put his face to mine. He said, in a very angry and guttural tone, “do you want chicken nuggets?” drawing out the last syllable. He hadn’t intended to sound so… bestial. I lost it. I laughed in his face and he doubled over and started laughing, too. It was too damned funny.
Just this weekend, we had another, but less frustrating tiff. We both worked our secondary jobs on Saturday and my husband, against my wishes, wore one of his nicer shirts to work. He claimed he would change as soon as he got there and then change back so we could go to the grocery store. Well, we both got there before the mall opened because I had to open. So, he hung out at his store before opening. I had no idea, but he had decided to help out and managed to get a lot of very bright red little stains on his nice shirt. The shirt’s primary color was white. Go figure. My husband has a bad history of getting all his nice clothes stained.
When we met up for lunch, I told him that I had been looking at shoes and found a pair I liked. I needed some flats to wear to work during the winter that also had treads, since our mall doesn’t salt or anything. I’ve nearly fallen on my ass every morning I’ve had to open. So, I took him to see them and I tried them on. I asked him multiple times if it was okay if I got them–they were $85–and he kept saying, “yeah, great, get them.” My husband is a great shopping buddy, but he never relents to me buying shoes over $50 on a whim! I should have known something was up!
When I went by his store after getting off work, they were closing up. I walked into the back and he said he was going to the bathroom before we left. I grabbed the bag with my shoes and his shirt inside. I had given him the shoes to hold at the store for me. Well, I pulled out his shirt to hand to him to change into… and saw a BUNCH of red spots EVERYWHERE on it. He looked panicked and said, sheepishly, “I uh, yeah… I can’t wear that” and quickly shut the bathroom door behind him. Sigh.
Any attempt to scold him was met with cries of “but you got shoes!” Sigh.
At least I managed to get the stains out, because I am awesome. Okay, so Shout! is awesome and I’m just its slave, but still.
And I have some pretty sweet shoes–totally guilt free!
Pretty much a win/win for me.