I have an unfortunate disease, one that makes it incredibly difficult for me to not only communicate with my fellow humans, but also continue through daily life without issue. This disease? The inability to say anything so that it doesn’t sound like a direct insult or to let the truth slip in such a blunt, unadulterated way that it is followed by mortified silence. It’s hard to explain, but suffice it to say, while my fiancé has issues saying the absolutely wrong thing at the wrong time and a complete inability to ever phrase or tone things the proper way… I have my own problems. Take, for instance, the other night, where I managed to make two grevious errors. We were in the midst of casual conversation when these two incidents occured, not more than five minutes between them.
He speaks of losing weight and not eating much lately. My reply? An incredulous and completely harsh, “WHERE?” He looked horrified before making all sorts of melodramatic treaties as I tried and coax him to look at me and stumble over apologies. Some of the things he said were so funny, I couldn’t help but laugh. We both ended up laughing ourselves into tears.
Then, we’re talking about something else, and he makes a vague mention of always trying to ‘be perfect for me’… which not only sounds ridiculous, was ridiculous when he said it. I looked at him, snorted derisively, and said without a thought, “well, you’re doing a shitty ass job of it!” Silence followed. I realized how that sounded and am suddenly apologetic, again. He’s too caught off-guard by my insult to say anything witty.
Why, yes, folks, I am still engaged. A miracle, isn’t it? Especially after how, when it was all said and done and he said that it was okay, I was only joking, I didn’t mean any of it, I paused. WHAT? I always speak the truth! There were little scraps of truth in there! The truth will not be denied!
And this is why you never, ever ask me for my honest opinion. I will crush your soul. Sigh.
In the meantime, I am looking at wedding things. Totally considering saying “no” to veils. Two-hundred and more dollars for bits of lace that barely go past my shoulders? NO THANKS! Also, wedding shoes? ARE HORRIBLY UGLY! Auuugh! I also need to find out what the hell the groom wears to a beach wedding… a full tux seems… well, bizarre. And stifling.