How is it even possible that my sweet little baby is already five months?! That’s just madness. Even though it feels like an eternity ago that I gave birth to her, I’m constantly stunned by how quickly she’s growing. Week to week, things change with her. She went from just sort of sitting in her bouncer or her playmat to actively engaging it. She’s gone from guilelessly swatting at things to moving her hands with a purpose and reason, rarely ever missing her target. It’s astounding!
She’s started sitting up, or trying to, at least. She put her hands in my Chinese food Sunday, which was hilarious! She even made a little growly noise when she did it, ha! The husband’s birthday was Sunday, so we did a bunch of fun stuff and had a good day. We ended it with a dinner at a fancy steakhouse–The Chophouse–which cost a ridiculous amount but was worth it because the husband was thrilled. Eva was a little fussy, but she survived. I nursed in public (with a cover) again, at the table, and at the Chinese restaurant. I’m getting braver. Yay!
We took pictures of her in her cute Easter dress that my dad and his wife bought her, but she was fussy. I want to get some more of her outside, but the weather isn’t cooperating. We had a nice day Saturday, but spent it doing a lot of yardwork and whatnot. Evangeline did great and hung out in the shade. She sat in her bouncer and played with toys.
She’s changed so much since the whole newborn phase. We’re pretty sure she’s started teething, as she’s gnawing on everything. Her sleep pattern is still all wonky, which sucks. I hate that she’s in turmoil, but I also kind of miss my “guaranteed” hours of relaxation in the evening, heh. But it’s all okay. The only real frustration I have is with the husband and we’ve discussed that–he’s trying to help out more.
It’s pretty amazing how much Evangeline has changed me as a person. All my old worries and anxieties seem so pointless now. While I still have social anxiety, it’s even more moderated than before. It’s barely there now. Everything just sort of pushed itself aside when she arrived. I still worry sometimes, and the husband and I are still stumbling through some things in our journey of trying to be parents… but overall, things are going a lot better than I anticipated.
I’m driving, I’m more independent than ever, and I’m not frightened, really, of anything. I’m sure I would have reached this point eventually on my own if I worked at it, but motherhood seems to have forced me to cast aside all my neuroses. Which is just fine with me! The bonus is I get this sweet little thing to brighten my days…
We’re ‘officially’ visiting my family Memorial Day weekend. We’ll only be there Saturday through Tuesday. It’s going to be… interesting. I’m honestly not looking forward to it, but it is what it is. It’s necessary. I’m sure I’ll be happier once it’s actually happening… at least I hope I will. It’s important for Eva to meet the rest of her family, though. I definitely want her to meet my grandparents while that’s still an option. I’m just sort of over my dad and his ridiculous detachment.
Looking back a year ago, I’m amazed. I was sick and miserable; I was scared; I was uncertain. I begrudged every step forward. I cowered in fear of the unknowns that loomed before me. A year later and here I am, I could never have pictured it or imagined it. It’s so far beyond anything I could have anticipated. I’m grateful. I’m blessed. I try to remember that when silly things try to plague me.
We’re still battling sickness with Eva, which sucks, but it could be worse… so much worse. Eventually, it will end. Her immune system will beef up. Until then, it’s stuffed noses and coughs. Once she gets better, she goes right back to being sick, sigh. Again, though, I am blessed. It could be worse.
It’s amazing how your perception and priorities change once you become responsible for someone else.