Evangeline was officially a month old yesterday. It’s kind of hard to believe that a month has passed by already and yet it feels like an eternity ago that I was in the hospital. Time is a funny thing.
We’re still battling with her not wanting naps at all during the day. Now we’ve got ridiculous cluster feeding to deal with. She just doesn’t want to stop and she’s getting plenty of milk–she’s gaining and growing! It’s annoying, but I keep telling myself that she’ll only be this tiny for a short while.
I really miss spending time with my husband, though. With Eva attached to me 24/7, we really don’t get any peace to ourselves. Eva and I are still out in the living room until she gets a better schedule at night. She typically does really well–she goes to bed around 9pm and doesn’t wake up until 1am or so… and then she’s down for another 2-3 hours, repeat until 10am. It’s nice, but it doesn’t really afford me any time with the husband…
I just wish that she’d let us put her down. She hates her swing, she’ll tolerate the bouncy seat for about ten minutes, and nothing else soothes her except constant eating. Sigh. I’d love to have a newborn that sleeps. I was told there would be sleep! I never get a moment to myself and it kind of sucks. I’m one of those people who has to have time to herself. Sometimes, I’m able to give her to the husband with a bottle of expressed milk and have a bath… but that only lasts about 20 minutes before she’s fussing or crying again.
Then there’s the grunting and struggling to poop at night! It never fails to wake her up. Those nights are miserable. There’s nothing for it, though. I mean, as far as I’ve been told, it’s just a natural progression thing–it will eventually get better. Sigh.
Eva’s definitely growing and getting bigger. That’s easy to see. She’s still in newborn clothes, though, and we’re finishing off the newborn diapers though she can technically wear the size ones. She’s also started cooing, giggling, and I think I caught the barest hint of a smile the other day. It’s all very endearing.
It’s still hard, though. As someone who is intensely private and values personal time… I’m struggling sometimes. Headaches are frequent, I have to keep my frustration in check when I’m battling with her to nap so I can get a few moments to myself or with my husband, and having someone hanging off me constantly is incredibly taxing. I’m maternal, don’t get me wrong, but I’m also my own person. I can’t just disappear into the role of 100% mother… I could never be a stay-at-home-mum! I’d go mad.
The husband is getting better at dealing with her, but he still doesn’t make a proactive effort to learn how to soothe her. He did find that she really enjoys this app on his phone originally intended for cats. It has little fish that swim around. That kept her entertained for about fifteen minutes last night.
I know some day I’ll look back on this time and miss it, so I’m really trying not to wish it away… but I’m tired of my dirty house and I hate not being able to really do anything. One can only watch so much television and her head is too heavy for her to nurse properly without my assistance, so video games are still out of the question…