I haven’t touched my camera in months. Well, I took pictures during my last visit home, but I don’t consider that utilizing it as I had intended. I had all these hopes and dreams that, once I acquired it, everything would just fall into place. It didn’t. I forgot that cameras are not only expensive by themselves, but for true flexibility, they require lenses. You can’t do everything in photoshop. Well, okay, you can, but it isn’t as fun/good/etc. I love editing photos, don’t get me wrong, but there’s just something real and raw about an unedited photo that is perfect on its own.
As with everything I do, I got frustrated. Frustration and me go hand in hand. I’m always getting frustrated and I’m never, ever satisfied. All my hobbies end in frustration, even the things I enjoy like gaming? Oh yeah, frustration. I’m frustrated that I’m not good enough, I don’t have enough money to do this, or I don’t have the mindset for that. It’s annoying. I’m frustrated right now just thinking about it.
The worst part of it all is, I know exactly what I need to do. I have to buckle down and make do with what I have and, more importantly, be patient. I was never very good at patience.
I’m running into the same issue as we look at houses. It all just makes me frustrated. The houses we like are out of our budget and the ones in our budget are, honestly, quite terrible…. and our budget isn’t even that bad! We haven’t officially gone to a bank or anything yet, but my father-in-law is a financial guy and we both estimated around $180,000 for us. Here, in the capital of our state, that don’t mean shit. Especially when we only really want to spend $130-150k.
In an ideal world where land is readily available not in the middle of nowhere, we’d purchase an acre and put a house on it. We’ve looked into it, but the only pieces of land available are super small, super expensive, or super horrible sheer cliffs. Woo!
Patience is key here. It isn’t an instantaneous process like I want it to be. The stars and planets are not going to just magically align and lead us to our perfect dream house where everything falls neatly into place. This is an unrealistic expectation–I know this, but I don’t care. I still want it to happen anyway.
As I ease into getting used to this new work schedule (I know it’s been four months, but it takes me a long while to adjust to something outside of my comfort zone), I’m hoping I can find a place again for my hobbies that have gathered dust… like photography. I don’t expect I’ll ever be famous or well-paid for it, but that’s never why I did it in the first place. Much like writing, it’s simply a means of expression and a way to exercise my crazy brain.
I need to force myself to do one of those ‘pictures a day’… but honestly, we don’t really do anything noteworthy on a daily basis. We work, we come home, we sleep, we work. That’s kind of it. Which is why I get frustrated when I try those things, sigh!