Two Months

Two Months

Evangeline is two months old! It’s still so hard to believe that two months has passed… and yet it feels like an eternity ago that we were in the hospital. She’s getting big so fast. It’s not a joke when they say the time flies by! I’ve only got around six weeks remaining of my maternity leave… and it’s already 2015!

I keep thinking back to last year at this time. We could never have expected how everything would turn out. We were just settling into the house and making it our own. The living room was still that awful brown color that’s strewn throughout the house! It’s just so hard to imagine. I wonder how many years we’ll have in this house…

As I was going through pictures for Eva’s baby book, I ran across some of my pregnancy bump photos. Oh my God! I can hardly believe that was ever me. I’m huge. I know that I was pregnant (obviously) but it feels as if it never happened at all… and yet the memory of all the horribleness (which was about 80% of it) remains; I’m not really thrilled about getting pregnant again. I managed to avoid stretch marks, but my poor belly button will never be the same again!!


I wouldn’t say that it wasn’t worth it. I’m just saying I’m not overly enthused about going through it all again… especially if I’d need to be induced, ugh. That was just annoying and horrible. I am not someone who can stand being hospitalized for any amount of time. Miserable!


Watching Eva grow is amazing. As happy as I will be to return to work and sort of get some of my normalcy back… I’ll miss being able to watch every moment pass. I love watching her discover and learn new things. It’s fun being able to experiment and find out what she enjoys and what makes her smile. She’s taken to smiling and grinning at me in the mornings, either in her bassinet or when I’m changing her diaper and getting ready to dress her for the day. It’s adorable.

In celebration of her two months, I decided to break in the Christmas gift my husband got me–the photo studio set. It came with professional lights, four light umbrellas (black and white), and backdrops with a stand! It’s brilliant, honestly. He really hit the mark. He said his inspiration was us not having anywhere appropriate to take bump pictures and having weird shadows in the pictures.


The pictures turned out great! It took us some time and experimentation… but it was fun. Poor Eva needed to a nursing and nap break in between. The second bit provided goofy grins and smiles, which were definitely welcome!


I’d bought the dress at Target when I went with the mother-in-law to Target on New Year’s Day. It was on sale and despite being pink, quite cute. I’m glad I grabbed it. Even if she never wears it again, it was worth it for the photos! We’re still experimenting with hair bows. I’m not sure how I feel about them, but they’re almost a necessity for professional looking photos.


Comparing these to the ones done the day we left the hospital leave me speechless. So much change! Soon, she won’t be so tiny and snuggly… she’ll be independent and strong-willed. I can already see it building inside of her. As much as it saddens me, it’s something I’ll grow proud of in due time. I’d expect nothing less of someone who carries a part of me.

Thinking back to a month ago is hard. I was still struggling, still trying to find my bearings. I was still so upset about my body and the sleepless nights. It’s amazing how things can change. The first few weeks really are the worst. There’s still trials to be had, but at least there’s reward now. Seeing her smile, grin, or just experience the world around her is worth it; watching her eyes follow us as we move about the room makes it somehow less difficult.

We were talking about how much fun it’ll be to see her experience new things when we take her to Key West in October. It seemed like an eternity away last July when we were there. Now it feels like it’s coming far too fast. She’ll nearly be a year old then!

Thanksgiving 2014

Thanksgiving 2014

The in-laws surprised us this year and said they were doing Thanksgiving at their house. The in-laws typically don’t do holidays–we usually have to harass them to even visit the rest of the family with us! My father-in-law invited his parents to meet Evangeline.

I was a little worried about having Eva out and away from the house for so long while she was still so young… but it actually went really well. She only fussed a little, during dinner, but she was an angel the rest of the time! Of course, the grandmas fought over her and wanted to hold her; they even denied me giving her boob and instead I handed them the bottle I had brought.


I, of course, spent quite a bit of time in the in-laws’ bedroom either pumping or feeding Eva (when I managed to wrest her away from the grandmas!) She actually had a pretty long nap, too. Mother-in-law was intent on keeping her! She wanted us to stay the night because I had lamented about not being able to go Black Friday shopping. I wasn’t feeling up to it and I wasn’t ready to leave Eva during the night yet!


We did take her up on her offer to watch Eva that Sunday, though. We dropped her off around 1 or so and went out and about. It was really freeing. It was the first time I’d been out since just before my induction! It was nice to spend time with the husband, alone. We haven’t really had a chance to spend any time together and sleeping separately certainly hasn’t helped. Of course, as soon as we left the in-laws’ house, the husband asks me: “Where do you want to go first?”

My response? TARGET! He laughed. And laughed more and chided me when I bought baby stuff. What? Buying baby stuff is fun when you actually have a baby to buy for and it’s not some mysterious thing making your body hate you.

Slowly, but surely, it’s getting better. Eva is growing like a weed. These pictures were taken when she was 2 weeks and 1 day. She’s 3 weeks and 2 days now and I can definitely see the difference. She was bigger then and she’s bigger now. She’s definitely gaining weight, but she’s long and lean, with a little Buddha belly. It cracks me up! Her cheeks have also chubbed up significantly!


I don’t think I’ll ever get over that sweet face… I love looking at it, even when I’m frustrated and tired. It makes me emotional in the best of ways. I can’t believe that it’s been 3 weeks already! She’s doing good about sleeping during the night for longer periods, which is nice… but she vehemently refuses to nap during the day. It takes a miracle to put her down for naps… which means she’s cranky when the husband gets home from work and he can’t really interact with her much.


We’re working on the nap thing. It’s a challenge. At least she’s finally letting me get some sleep at night. I just try not to think about how all of this is going to work once I’m back to work in March. On one hand, it seems so far away… but I know it will come quick. I hate to leave her with strangers, but I know that the socialization is important for when she’s a little older and I’ve got to keep my job both financially and for my own sanity. I was not made to be a stay-at-home mum!

I just wish she liked her swing or anything really. I’m usually stuck holding her, carrying her, or feeding her all day long as she cannot tolerate being put in the swing, bouncy seat, or anything! She hates them. She doesn’t mind being away from me but she either finds them too stimulating or under-stimulating… it’s hard to say.

The husband is slowly trying to be more involved. I know he feels useless because it seems like all she wants is boob! But there are other ways of pacifying her and he actually has an advantage over me. All she wants from me is boob, but he can interact with her freely. She takes bottles from him fine, so it’s a starting point.

The Longest Wait

My doctor’s appointment on Thursday was disappointing. I’m barely dilated, if even at all! He really had to get up in there, which was immensely uncomfortable. They asked me what the baby weighed at my last ultrasound and I had no idea, because no one had explicitly told me. All they usually say is, “she looks good, everything is healthy.” Which, you know, is great… but details would be nice!

After the exam, we had a minor scare that he’d broken my water. I was sitting in a literal puddle. My husband ran and got the doctor back. He tested it, but it wasn’t amniotic fluid. It was a lot of discharge, mixed with a tiny bit of blood, and possibly some urine (gross!) Being pregnant is truly nasty at times. I’m glad it wasn’t my actual water breaking, as then I’d be confined to a hospital and induced. I really don’t want to be induced!

We spent yesterday out and about for around eight hours. I did a lot of walking and some minor shopping, just enjoying time with the husband and trying to hopefully get things going. We’ve been doing everything we can think of to naturally progress labor along. My next appointment is, again, Thursday… which is also my due date. I’m really hoping I’ve made some progress by then. I’d love to be able to labor at home instead of being confined to the hospital and bed, hooked up to a bunch of monitors. I also have an irrational fear of hemorrhaging out and dying… it’s rare, but it happens, and it happens more often with inducing.

We have pretty much everything ready to go. I’ve been buying small things here and there. We went out for my very early Birthday lunch last weekend (it was delicious!) I haven’t actually gotten a present, but there’s nothing I really want right now. I think the husband has forgotten, because he was being really persistent… which is good. I don’t want to waste money we could be using towards the baby and truly getting her room ready. I’d love to get a bookcase. I’ve started getting things together for my plan to have her simultaneously exposed to both English and French from day one. Husband is in charge of the speaking part of French… he took it for seven years and could have had it as a minor, whereas I am hopeless. ;)

The plaques haven’t worked out, but we’re persisting. We may end up just getting wooden letters and decorating them! I want something on the wall above her crib. Letters or plaques would look great there. I really wish I were more crafty and gifted in that area. Sigh. I’m so jealous of all the other people out there who are! Pinterest is just a website of things I’m incapable of doing probably, haha.

I’m not sure how ready I am to truly be a mother or have an infant, but I definitely know I’ve had enough of being pregnant! Labor is kind of scary, but I’m doing really good with not panicking or anything. I’ve educated myself as best as I can, the husband knows what I want (as does the doctor), but I’m also willing to do whatever we need to. This pregnant gig, though, is getting old. I want my body back! I’m tired of feeling like a turtle on its back and the constant discomfort is just too much. If I gain anymore weight, I think I’ll have a nervous breakdown! The scale is not my friend. I had such high hopes of being active and amazing, but it just didn’t happen. I truly had no idea how uncomfortable I would get. Ugh.

We may go out a bit more today and get some things. We’re putting the closet off until after she’s here. I really want to get a little organization kit and we found a bunch of stuff at Home Depot that’s perfect… but it may be better to wait a bit. The setup we have now works well enough and we still need proper doors. The ones we have now don’t fit after the drywall installation and I still want to buy a bookcase, which costs a bit more than I had anticipated. I’d love to at least have it ordered before she’s here! I need something to set the awesome dragonfly globe my aunt bought for me on.

The husband has declared that tomorrow is my last day at work. I had every intention of working until I went into labor, but husband wants my time to run out in December when people can donate leave to me. So now I get to spend Monday figuring out all of that fun stuff! I have enough SIQ and AWL to ensure I get paid until December 16th… hopefully we can get enough donations to at least make it into the new year. That only give us two and a half months or so without my pay.

I don’t want to not work and lose out, but I’d also rather be here getting stuff done, anyway. I’m benched at work, so all I am right now is a glorified secretary. It’s really pointless and boring. I mean, I’m thankful my job isn’t difficult and the people I work with and for are all understanding, but I hate feeling like I’m not actually contributing. At least if I’m home, I can get stuff done here. We’ll see what happens.

Best Laid Plans…

Best Laid Plans...

I’m not going to lie, I thought I’d have a baby by now. Apparently, she’s quite stubborn and has no intentions of coming before she’s ready! Everyone else I knew who was pregnant with me, both those due before and after me, have all given birth already. Of course, they all had boys. Boys have little issue coming early it seems. My doctor’s appointment is tomorrow and they’re going to check me and see if I’ve made any progress. I’ll be 39 weeks.

I had these amazing plans of making my own little wooden placards with her name on them. Buying one would cost nearly $300 due to the length of her name. Of course, I got all the stuff… but I’m not terribly crafty. Unfortunately, we’re having issues with the stencils involving her name. Husband was going to cut them out… but they’re not coming out as smoothly as we’d like.


It doesn’t help that I bought some cheap acrylic paint for the lettering and it turns out it is way too runny to use! I’m not sure what we’re going to do now. I feel so defeated. I wish I were crafty. I really wanted her nursery to look nice and not just a room. Sigh.

I’ve been doing my best, but I’m still not happy with it. I’m a perfectionist, so none of this is… it just feels extremely “bland” to me. I feel like everyone else pulls out all of the stops for their first child’s nursery and it took us forever to even get the walls finished. We’re working on organizing her closet now. I’ve got everything mostly washed, just a few odds and ends left.

We’ve been leaving the the nursery room open to air it out and get Loki used to it. It used to be this mysterious room we kept a bunch of crap in, but now it’s got furniture and more importantly, stuffed animals, so he’s interested. He didn’t bother it much at first, but adding those seemed to pique his interest. The husband was in there measuring when Loki jumped up into the crib and tried to abscond one of her stuffed animals!


He really likes the little husky I just got at Carter’s over the weekend. We went out shopping a bit with the mother-in-law since the father-in-law was off hunting and she was lonely. I got some sweaters and hoodies because they were having a sale. The husband pointed out the husky dog and I grabbed it. I love huskies! Apparently, so does Loki… well, he loves anything that’s fuzzy.


After I shooed him away from the husky, he started nosing into all the other soft things. There’s a bunch of stuff piled on her crib because I’m still sorting and organizing. Loki decided that he liked the comforter and flopped down. It’s like Loki heaven–surrounded by stuffed animals and soft, cushy blanket to enjoy. Sigh. When I went to remove him, he tried snapping at me. Naughty kitty!

I don’t encourage him to go into the crib because I don’t want him doing that when she’s actually asleep in it! He’s not malicious to children by any means, he likes to cuddle with them… which is the worry. I don’t want him smothering her on accident.

As we approach the due date, I’m suffering from a lot of insomnia and just major discomfort. I haven’t had any “nesting’ vibes yet, but I’m still forcing myself to organize and clean as much as I’m able to. I fell down the steps over the weekend and while I didn’t hurt my belly, I did take the entirety of the fall on my left knee. Since then, I’ve been swelling like crazy in my legs. It’s horrifying! I’m a little worried my doctor is going to write me off work, so I’ve planned my leave out for my last day being the third. We’ll see what happens…

I’m really ambivalent about my family lately. My mother isn’t respecting my “no contact” request and my grandparents are being overly pushy about the whole situation. No one on that side is being understanding in the least. As I told the husband, as per usual, no one cares or thinks about me, they’re only worried about themselves. Thinking about it just agitates me. I don’t even know if I want to tell them when she comes, because I don’t want to deal with the stress of them coming down and wanting to bring my mother. She’s taken to calling my mother-in-law, which is just completely inappropriate!

At least my dad and that side of the family is being good. It’s like a seesaw. Annoying.

More Stuff!

More Stuff!

The nursery is coming along. The husband put together all of the furniture we have so far (changing table and crib) last weekend and then we put the new light and the curtains up that we got last Saturday. I still need to get the dragonfly painting mother-in-law did into the proper frame and hang it up. I had wanted to buy another picture or two, but then I saw name blocks and I might try to do something like that on my own. Her name is long, so paying someone to make them would be around $200! I also want to get a rug, since I hate the carpet.


We should get the crib mattress and changing table pad on Tuesday, hopefully! Her portable bassinet arrived this week. Seeing it is just weird. The entire house has been overtaken by baby stuff! This won’t be changing any time soon, either. Only instead of boxes and gift bags, it will be legitimate things like her bouncer/swing and her things. That she’s actually using. Because she’ll be here. As a person.

Still so weird to even consider. That it isn’t going to just be me and the husband anymore. My mind can’t really wrap around it. I can’t even begin to “prepare” for the change, so instead, I’m freaking out mildly about all the losses. Husband is focusing on the good. I have to keep assuring him that this is just how I cope with major change. Moving down here was huge and the best thing I ever did, but I didn’t feel that way about it when it was happening. I have a process I have to go through.

Husband wants to celebrate my birthday early. I appreciate that he even wants to still celebrate it at all. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to being forgotten amidst all the baby madness. It sucks, but that’s life.


This weekend, we bought our car finally! I was kind of shocked at how quickly it all happened. We went to the lot, husband found the exact one he wanted (he’s been doing months of research and gathering quotes; he made a spreadsheet), and we left the lot with it. We still have our old Honda, too, but this one is a Kia Optima EX. It’s very nice, fully loaded, too! I love the big screen in the center console. I haven’t had a chance to drive it yet, but I’ve driven the MIL’s 2013, so I know what to expect. That’s why I suggested we look at them! I liked the way hers drove.

Of course, yesterday was peppered with anxiety. My doctor’s appointment went fine, except that they think I have the beginnings of a bladder infection. My doctor wrote an antibiotic that, when I checked it online, said: ‘do not take in last month of pregnancy.’ So, we had to get a hold of him to make sure that it was okay to take, which it was. It has an elevated risk of jaundice, but they were more concerned about the side effects of allowing a bladder infection to progress.

After that, I started spotting some blood. And I lost the rest of my mucus plug. The blood continued, albeit intermittently, throughout Friday evening and Saturday. It was like the infrequent spotting you get before your period and it was brown. Husband was freaking out, so I called the doctor and was told to keep an eye on it, take it easy, and call him if it was accompanied by cramping, timed contractions, and all of that. So, now everyone is joking that I’ll be in the hospital by this weekend. Yikes.

The baby is still moving, so I wasn’t too worried. I won’t lie, though, I felt completely gross yesterday. I’m not sure if that’s the antibiotic (possibly) or just exhaustion. I was ready for bed by 9pm. I had wanted to clean, but I couldn’t. Every time I tried to get up and do things, I felt like I just wanted to fall over and sleep.

I have a “feeling” she’s going to be an October baby, but feelings don’t mean much. There’s still stuff I want to do, so I’m not quite ready for her yet!